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Finally got real headshots. Too bad I look like a big ole bitch!
I’m a multiple-time Moth winning storyteller, writer, journalist, screenwriter, public speaker, and comedian.
(the truck I lived in for years all over America)
(Climbing in France)
I write for magazines, newspapers, and am working on a book. I perform in NYC, LA, and Europe, where I’m living most of the time now and do a shit ton of podcasts.
(a terrifying military base in California)
(how I slept most nights during half my 20’s and now whenever possible)
(Me trying to be fancy in the French Riviera summer 2019 while actually camping)
I’m pretty good at only a couple things—adventuring and telling stories. As you can see if you deep dive into my blog, there really isn’t anywhere I won’t go. I’m curious to a fault and this makes my mom constantly worry about me dying, bless her heart. But I like to live right on the edge of my comfort zone in the wilderness, among people, and in my heart (though I’m way braver on rock than in relationships). During my 20’s I lived in my truck all over America, during which time I was a white water raft guide, a ski instructor, an Outward Bound Wilderness Instructor, and a climbing instructor.
(on my way to a 12-pitch climb on the rocks behind me)
Once I moved to NYC in 2006, I worked for NYC Outward Bound, where I slept in a cubicle in an office building for 9 months with 12 other people and only one shower. We had to use headlamps after 10pm to be respectful of others sleeping and spent half our time in the mountains showing kids from the Bronx how to camp. I’ve never been so cold in my life. During these nearly seven years in NYC, I mostly worked in the film industry as a set dresser/prop, as well as random-ass jobs like census worker, substitute teacher, driver for MMA fighters, and lab rat for various tests done on people who desperately need fifty bucks. I’m a shameless hustler and did what I must to pay the rent so long as it was random, somewhat entertaining, let me pursue comedy at night, and didn’t require fancy clothes.
(where I lived in NYC- a cubicle in Queens with 12 other people in an office building)
Needing a break from NYC in 2012, I bought a one-way ticket to South America, having no plans and hardly any money. Among other things, I ended up working on a strawberry farm in Argentina, climbing in Patagonia, and teaching English in Chile. That’s where I fucked that clown if you’re familiar with one of my most famous stories.
(Me protesting the crazy tuition cost in Valparaiso, Chile, with my buddies. Btw, this protest was the beginning of a much bigger revolution that started in the fall of 2019)
After a little while longer in NYC, I moved to Los Angeles so I could have a back yard. On my way there, I stopped in my old home of Taos, New Mexico to figure shit out and be in the mountains. That’s where my epic Unbreakable story happened (about falling in love for the first time… with a homeless dude… who almost murdered me). During my few years in LA, I kept writing, took a shit ton of screenwriting classes, and worked at a high-end BBQ joint that served over-priced ribs to the most entitled assholes I’ve ever met. Not wanting to die a waitress or a failure in LA, I started plotting my move to Europe, where I’d seen myself living since studying in Sweden in college (cuz they don’t let you die in Europe if you’re sick!). In 2017, I left for a new teaching job in Spain, to a town where I knew no one, had never been and had never even heard of. It also spoke a language I’d never heard of (Galician).
(Greece 2018- riding a scooter around Europe is far more terrifying than climbing)
During this year, I took many trips (it’s cheap as hell to fly around Europe!) and wrote my ass off. Who knew my career would finally take off after I left the two cities you supposedly have to be to “make it” to go live a remote town in bumfuck, Spain. Life is funny. I knew I could write anywhere, but you can’t write well if you’re miserable.
Moving to Europe helped me chill the hell out, which made me write so much better. They know how to relax over here. I eventually landed in Lyon, France, where I live now. I fell in love with the town the first time I visited it. After several trips here and one fabulous summer, I said fuck it, sold my truck and everything I owned in LA, and finally uprooted from the USA to pursue a chill life in France, where I do my best work.
(This is not Lyon! It’s Chamonix, France 2018)
(THIS is Lyon. During the 2019 Women’s World Cup Finals after seeing Team USA win)
So now I’m here in France, writing all the time and learning how to appreciate food, sex, and relaxing from people who do it best.
Contact my agent, JL at Newleaf (contact info above) or email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org for professional inquiries. FYI, I get a lot of hate mail from incels, Men’s “Rights” Groups and other fun folks who tell me I should get raped or die, so if I don’t respond, it’s cuz I didn’t bother reading your mean email cuz I don’t waste my time on such nonsense.
But if you have something nice to say, go for it!
(me in front of the largest treehouse in the world… which is also a freaky church)
(top of a 12 pitch climb in Red Rocks, Nevada)
(At the top of a mountain in Peru )
(Guiding in Jackson Hole, Wyoming)
Elizabeth Gilbert thinks I’m good at telling stories if you can believe it. She blurbed my book after reading some of my stories. We finally met at the taping of an NPR show in NYC later and she was so kind and told me how much she enjoyed reading about me fucking that clown among other nice things.
“Melanie Hamlett is smart and funny and sick and wrong and dark and playful and smart as hell…and I _love_ her.“
-Elizabeth Gilbert, author of NYTimes bestseller Eat, Pray, Love
(Fountain of Youth in Florida)
(snuck onto the set of The People’s Court while working on another TV show)
(Climbing in Joshua Tree with my homies on Halloween… I’m the green dragon)
(Renaissance Fair freaks)
(that time I got VIP tickets to the Jerry Springer Show for my birthday)
(an outdoor bowling alley in New Mexico)
(Stolen cop car! Just kidding. A prop from a film I worked on)
(Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
(Argentina salt flats-I’m on the left)
(that dinosaur from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure)
(a gynecologist in Colorado)
(airport in Sweden when I was studying there)
(This is me doing a senior portrait at the top of a climbing route in Patagonia)
(me inside a bowling machine for work)
(protesting at Occupy Wall Street in NYC)
(I can now add “Protester” to the titles on my resume, thanks to Channel 10 News and Occupy Wall Street)
(I guided for 4 seasons on The Rio Grande in Taos, New Mexico, one in Jackson Hole, and one on the Olympic Peninsula in Washington)
(the trailer I lived in, summer 2011 Taos, New Mexico)
(and this is where I took a crap cuz we shit in buckets in New Mexico)
(This is the first trailer I ever lived in New Mexico. It was disgusting, full of mouse shit, and had a literal bucket outside as the toilet BUT it only cost me fifty bucks)
(I lived in this trailer at the strawberry farm I worked at in 2012, but then got downgraded to a tent a couple weeks later)
(Me straightening my hair on my tailgate so I don’t get dreadlocks… showers are hard to come by in your truck)
I’ll leave you with this pic of me being all feminine and sexy (new for me!) but also giving zero fucks cuz I put no effort into my looks other than wearing an occasional dress and skimpy ass bikini. A tinder date took this pic in Grasse, France. This country has helped me embrace my manly self while also feeling sexy AF, wahoooo!