Who’s this Hamlett chick?

Finally got real headshots. Too bad I look like a big ole bitch!

Melanie Hamlett

I’m a multiple-time Moth winning storyteller, writer, screenwriter, public speaker, and comedian.

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(the truck I lived in for years all over America)

(Climbing in France)

I write for magazines, newspapers, and am working on a book. I perform in NYC, LA, and Europe, where I’m living most of the time now and do a shit ton of podcasts.

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(terrifying military base in California)

(how I slept most nights during half my 20’s and now whenever possible)

(Me trying to be fancy in the French Riviera summer 2019 while actually camping)

There are a few things I’m pretty great at. Adventuring, storytelling, and writing are a few of them. As you can see from my blog, there really isn’t anywhere I won’t go. I’m curious to a fault and this makes my mom constantly worrying about me dying, bless her heart. But I like to live right on the edge of my comfort zone in the wilderness, among people, and in my heart (though I’m way braver on rock than in relationships). During my 20’s I lived in my truck all over America, during which time I was a white water raft guide, a ski instructor, an Outward Bound Wilderness Instructor, and a climbing instructor.

(Salvador, Brazil) 

Once I moved to NYC in 2006, I worked for NYC Outward Bound, where I slept in a cubicle in an office building for 9 months with 12 other people and only one shower. We had to use headlamps after 10pm to be respectful of others sleeping and spent half our time in the mountains showing kids from the Bronx how to camp. I’ve never been so cold in my life.  During these nearly seven years in NYC, I mostly worked in the film industry as a set dresser/prop, as well as random-ass jobs like census worker, substitute teacher, driver for MMA fighters, and lab rat for various tests done on people who desperately need fifty bucks. I’m a shameless hustler and did what I must to pay the rent so long as it was random, somewhat entertaining, let me pursue comedy at night, and didn’t require fancy clothes.

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Needing a break from NYC in 2012, I bought a one-way ticket to South America, having no plan and hardly any money.  Among other things, I ended up working on a strawberry farm in Argentina, climbing in Patagonia, and teaching English in Chile.  That’s where I fucked that clown if you’re familiar with one of my most famous stories.

 

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(Me protesting the crazy tuition cost in Valparaiso, Chile, with my buddies. Btw, this protest was the beginning of a much bigger revolution that started in the fall of 2019)

After a little while longer in NYC, I moved to Los Angeles so I could have a back yard. On my way there, I stopped in my old home of Taos, New Mexico to work figure shit out and be in the mountains. That’s where my epic Unbreakable story happened (my story about falling in love for the first time… with a homeless dude… and how he almost murdered me). During my few years in LA, I kept writing, took a shit ton of screenwriting classes, and worked at a high-end BBQ joint serving over-priced ribs to the most entitled assholes I’ve ever met. Not wanting to die a waitress or a failure in LA, I started plotting my move to Europe, where I’d seen myself living since studying in Sweden (they don’t let you die in Europe if you’re sick!). In 2017, I left for a new teaching job in Spain, to a town where I knew no one, had never been and had never even heard of the language (Galician!).

(Barcelona)

(Greece 2018- riding a scooter around Europe is far more terrifying than climbing)

(Malta, 2018)

During this year, I took many trips (it’s cheap as hell to fly!) and wrote my ass off. Who knew my career would finally take off after I left the two cities you have to “make it” to go live a remote town in bumfuck, Spain. Life is funny. I knew I could write anywhere, but you can’t write well if you’re miserable. Moving to Europe helped me chill the hell out, which made me write so much better. They know how to relax over here. I eventually landed in Lyon, France, where I live now. I fell in love with the town the first time I visited it. After several trips here and one fabulous summer, I said fuck it, sold my truck and everything I owned in LA, and finally uprooted from the USA to pursue a chill life in France, where I do my best work.

(This is not Lyon! It’s Chamonix, France 2018)

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(THIS is Lyon. During the 2019 Women’s World Cup Finals after seeing Team USA win)

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(Isn’t my city puuuurty?)

So now I’m here in France, writing all the time and learning how to appreciate food, sex, and relaxing from people who do it best.

Contact my agent, JL at Newleaf (contact info above) or email me directly at askhamlett@gmail.com for professional inquiries. FYI, I get a lot of hate mail from incels, Men’s “Rights” Groups and other fun folks who tell me I should get raped or die, so if I don’t respond, it’s cuz I didn’t bother reading your mean email cuz I don’t waste my time on such nonsense. But if you have something nice to say, go for it!

 

More random, fun photos:

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(top of a 12 pitch climb in Red Rocks, Nevada)

(Gozo 2018)

(At the top of a mountain in Peru )

(Guiding in Jackson Hole, Wyoming)

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Elizabeth Gilbert thinks I’m good at telling stories if you can believe it. She blurbed my book after reading some of my stories. We finally met at the taping of an NPR show in NYC later and she was so kind and told me how much she enjoyed reading about me fucking that clown among other nice things.

Melanie Hamlett is smart and funny and sick and wrong and dark and playful and smart as hell…and I _love_ her.

-Elizabeth Gilbert, author of NYTimes bestseller Eat, Pray, Love 

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(Fountain of Youth in Florida)

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(snuck onto the set of The People’s Court while working on another TV show)

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(Climbing in Joshua Tree with my homies on Halloween)

(Sleeping under the stars on a pontune boat on a river somewhere in Nevada)

man pillow

(Not my man-pillow, I swear. I’m just making fun of this hilariously offensive creation. It’s not even comfortable!)

(Climbing in Red rocks 2016)

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(an outdoor bowling alley in New Mexico)

(Stolen cop car! Just kidding. A prop from a film I worked on)

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(Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)

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(Argentina salt flats-I’m on the left)

(that dinosaur from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure)

(a gynecologist in Colorado)

(Pennsylvania farm)

(airport in Sweden when I was studying there)

(This is me doing a senior portrait at the top of a climbing route in Patagonia)

Picture 12

(me inside a bowling machine for work)

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(protesting at Occupy Wall Street in NYC)

(I can now add “Protester” to the titles on my resume, thanks to Channel 10 News and Occupy Wall Street)

(I guided for 4 seasons on The Rio Grande in Taos, New Mexico, one in Jackson Hole, and one on the Olympic Peninsula in Washington)

(the trailer I lived in, summer 2011 Taos, New Mexico)

(and this is where I took a crap cuz we shit in buckets in New Mexico)

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(This is the first trailer I ever lived in New Mexico. It was disgusting, full of mouse shit, and had a literal bucket outside as the toilet BUT it only cost me fifty bucks)

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(I lived in this trailer at the strawberry farm I worked at in 2012, but then got downgraded to a tent a couple weeks later) 

 

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(Me straightening my hair on my tailgate so I don’t get dreadlocks… showers are hard to come by in your truck)

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I’ll leave you with this pic of me being all feminine and sexy (new for me!) but also giving zero fucks cuz I put no effort into my looks other than wearing an occasional dress and skimpy ass bikini. A tinder date took this pic in Grasse, France. This country has helped me embrace my manly self while also feeling sexy AF, wahoooo!

 

31 Comments Add yours

  1. Doc Ivo says:

    For a chick [ your word not mine ] named Hamlett , why are there no stories about small villages or pigs ? Or villages of small pigs , or …pigs doing Shakespeare ?
    inquiring minds want to know..

  2. CC says:

    Heard you on Risk, loved your story!!!

    1. melaniehamlett says:

      Thanks for listening!

  3. Susie says:

    I also heard you on Risk and loved your stories! I laughed til I cried. You should come to Shreveport sometime. We have the Mudbug Madness Festival.. where its all about mudbugs ( crawfish ) …

    1. melaniehamlett says:

      When? that sounds AMAZING! Thanks for listening and reading!

  4. Nancy says:

    I’ve listened to your stories on Risk and you are hilarious! You have a great story-telling style.

    1. melaniehamlett says:

      Hey, thanks a lot Nancy! I try my best. If you feel like telling your friends, that would be awesome. And thanks so much for the encouragement.

  5. nic says:

    needed an image of confessional gogled & you came Up # 1 Now Im getting nothing done …

    can you explain to my boss why the proposal is late!

  6. Tim says:

    Heard you on RISK and enjoyed hearing your story. But I really enjoy this blog. I love traveling to out of the way spots and seeing what’s out there and your adventures make me smile. It’s like having a travel buddy without my having to travel. Here’s to more adventures. Best of luck to you.

  7. Evita says:

    You’re awesome!! Was sent your way by a mutual friend, Angel. I’m a fellow traveler myself and would love to exchange vagabond stories! Keep creating…

  8. TeNae says:

    Funny, I’m also a narcoleptic raft guide. 😉

  9. Janet Spicer says:

    Heard a couple of your stories on RISK, and loved them. You’re great. Keep it up!

  10. melz82 says:

    I want to write a book about *you*!!!!

  11. Shelley says:

    I must have just missed you.
    I lived in a motor home in Ojo Caliente, New Mexico for a bit.

  12. JBirdZilla says:

    I think I met you at Occupy Wall Street! I heard you on Risk today, and curiously went to your site and I saw your photos and I’m like 96% certain I met you 🙂 Your story about Argentina was awesome (not sure if you’ve told more than one), I feel like I saw myself in that story, hit close to home. I’ve always had the travel bug (lived in DC, NYC, all over Florida), and as competitive as I am, I always end up becoming friends with the girl who fucks the same people as me. It sounds creepy when I read it, but I think you get me.

    1. melaniehamlett says:

      I bet we did meet at Occupy! I was there! I moved to Argentina right after that. Friend me on Facebook, girl!

      1. Justice says:

        There are no words to describe how boodicaus this is.

  13. JT says:

    You are too rad! Your stories make me laugh so hard that I become a liability driving my car while listening to the radio, lol. Please never stop telling stories, I think every major podcast out there should be featuring your work!!!

    1. melaniehamlett says:

      Thanks so much! I appreciate the encouragement! It helps motivate me to keep at it!

  14. Carrie says:

    Thanks for your RISK story!

    1. melaniehamlett says:

      Thank you for listening!!! Feel free to Share it with anyone who might benefit from Hearing it!

  15. Erin Harper says:

    Hey Melanie,
    I heard your Risk podcast today, and I think I may have read about it on facebook before. I heard your story, and it rang so true…but even more than that, (I may be wrong) when I heard the way you talk, it rang even more true. Your attitude is like, ‘Dude, (hahahaha), that fucker fucking RAPED me last night! HAHAHA!’ I’ve said those exact same words. Exactly. You must be from Oakland. Haha, yes, that’s how we talk. ‘Fuck, Dude, 18 rounds were shot up on my block last night. But luckily, none of the rounds ended up thru my window. But, homeboy mighta raped me, haha!’
    Dude, and then, 6 months, 1 year, 3 years later, we finally break down. And people say, ‘WTF!!!??? Why didn’t you act so traumatized at the time? You laughed about it!? You’re just a stupid slut! You just want attention! You’re just a slut who wants to excuse your previous behavior.’
    Melanie, I’d like to connect with you if you’d like; I know exactly how you feel, and we may have many things in common.

    http://Www.dancingonthesea.wordpress.com

    1. melaniehamlett says:

      Yeah you get it. Most people laugh or are poker faces in trauma. It’s simple biology! The body can’t survive of its emotionally wrapped up in the reality of what’s happening. Totally, let’s connect!

      1. Erin Harper says:

        The poker face, exactly. Trying to convince our brains to ‘stay cool’ in the midst of trauma, so that we can better focus and survive in the moment…

  16. David Wayne Stephens Jr. says:

    I just found your website from a random Google search that I thought up, and after reading through some of your experience, and why you do all of this, I am very impressed with how you live your life!

    1. melaniehamlett says:

      Thanks so much! I’m glad you like it!

  17. Eddie says:

    I just read your piece about the Jesus Experience in Florida and it made my day. Wanting to hook up with hot Jesus before he gets the, i was going to say shaft- but you know what I mean. Hilarious, keep it up. And don’t forget Florida man….

  18. Mike says:

    Very interesting material. The cougar story particularly encouraging. Keep the faith and fortune.

  19. Bert says:

    You are amazing! I’ve heard all of your risk stories, and your fearlessness to look at the truth is incredible. Thank you, and please keep writing and telling your stories. You really speak a greater truth that needs to be heard.

    1. melaniehamlett says:

      Awwww. Thank you!!!!

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