Leave Hollywood and Go to Spain


I’m getting great at crowdwork, guys.

Who needs stage time in LA when you’ve got three hours of class a day to practice it. And the kids in Spain are great audience. These first two days at the bigger school (by big I mean a few hundred students) have been filled with me introducing myself to all the classes. My teacher asked me to do a power point presentation about myself. “Are you sure you want me to do that… given what you know about my life?” She laughed. “Absolutely!”

So I showed pics of me climbing, living in my truck, living in a trailer in New Mexico, another trailer in New Mexico, a trailer in Argentina, another trailer in New Mexico. And then pics of me raft guiding, going to The Dells in Wisconsin (they couldn’t believe that Trojan horse thingy), of me in front of the T-rex on the side of the road in California (on I-10), etc, etc. I showed them pics of the dogs in LA that aren’t mind cuz I miss them like they’re mine and of my parents and my sister’s family because they would have thought I was a sociopath if I didn’t include family in my life. One kid, who was only 11, said “why you no afraid to climbing rocks?”

Kid stumped me!

How do you answer such a deep question using a very tiny English vocabulary? I finally just said “I AM afraid. Very afraid. But it’s not reality. It’s just an emotion and all in my head.” He seemed to get it even though it took me like 20 years to understand this.

They also asked me if I have a boyfriend (that one was tricky so I just said “yes!”), do I have children, and who’s my favorite futball player. Here’s where my last three years of being obsessed with European soccer players finally paid off! They don’t appreciate how weird it is for an american (male or female) to rattle off ten soccer players she likes without even hesitating. “I follow 50 of them on instagram!” I did not mention that half of them only cuz they’re hot. Speaking of which, they asked me for my instagram name and my telephone number (and my last name when I wouldn’t give either…. nice try kiddos).

I had to explain that most people in America do not live in their cars and trailers. But I also had to explain that we do not live in mansions. One kid asked “how many times have you ride in limo?” I had to explain Prom because of this. There’s a reason why everyone thinks we’re rich as fuck in America- poor and blue collar people are not represented in the media and that’s a shame. Not since Rosanne really.

I got my last class to roar like bears and chirp like birds and baaaaaaaa like sheep and I’ve never seen such an enthusiastic group of people in my life. they were all baaaa-ing down the halls the rest of the day. Guys, get outta Hollywood. Come to Spain. You will finally get all the approval seeking you look for but never get on stage.

Super fun second day of school. I’ll end with this- a video one teacher plays at the end of the day. The guy can’t speak shit for english. Now I know why I’m here. Non-native speakers shouldn’t be making these videos lol.

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