My tinder date took this last night right before we realized this wasn’t going anywhere. I was tired and not really looking to hook up, though I’m always open to the idea. But I just wasn’t feeling it with this dude. And he was wearing a superman shirt. I’ve noticed a lot of men over here in Spain want to hang out with me cuz I seem cool. They all comment on my bio and photos and how very exciting I seem. Some of them ask for advice on how to follow their dreams. It’s weird. I feel like I should be charging for my services lol. I’ve been more of a life coach to a lot of tinder men than an actual lay or date. The funny thing is, being the cool girl or the adventurous girl or the girl who will help you see the lies you tell yourself feels dehumanizing sometimes. I don’t want to be the woman guys want to hang out with or maybe fuck but never date. Back in America they almost put me on a pedastool sometimes cuz of my career and adventure choices. It’s like I’m a tomboy version of the manic pixie fantasy chick, only maybe less pretty. I’m the bro with a vagina. The motivational speaker minus the salary. The adventure girl who is probably up for anything in the bedroom (I’m not). Lots of guys want to fuck me or be inspired by me but it’s so rare any of them would ever ever ever consider being with me. Either I make them feel like a pussy for being more fearless in my career and life choices, or they think I’m way tougher than I am. Or they like the idea of me (fun!) but that’s it.
The funny thing is, I’m actually driven by fear and full of it. I’m not half as tough as I seem or want you to think. But I’m not afraid to face my fears. I use them to motivate me actually. But to the outside world, my jobs and life experiences make me sound way cooler and braver than I am and it really gets in the way of my dating life. The only real exception to all this so far has been the French guy.