Being a woman anywhere 

So I had to go to town to pick up ice for our trip. The liquor store is where we always get our ice cuz it’s the best. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot with this giant cube truck, a young meth head type man (who I immediately sensed danger from and who also reminded me a lot of my ex and even looked like him) approached me and asked for a cigarette. I said sorry and ignored him (but walked the delicate line of not being too bitchy or dismissive cuz that shit provokes scary men). I went in, bought ice, then took this picture. He was outside begging someone else for cigarettes. As I packed up my truck with the ice, he asked if he could help. “No thanks, I’ve got it.” He then asked me my name. I told him it was Jane cuz I’m done giving my real name to scary men. He then asked if we could get breakfast together. “Sorry, I’m on the clock.” He then asked if he could have some of my food. (By having breakfast together I guess he meant is eating MY food lol). I told him I couldn’t give him any food. It’s not mine, it’s my company’s. “What company?” He asked. I said outdoor ed and got in my truck. He yelled through the window “Can I come work? I can do outdoor education.” I shook my head no, with a firm but not too bitchy “please just bug off, dude” kind of look. He then went around to the other door, and tried to get in my fucking truck! Luckily I had locked the other door already. He then banged on the window for me to open it as I was backing out of the parking spot, yelling at me like I was being so unreasonable and unfair. And then he bang on the back of the truck as I pulled out of the driveways. 
This all happened at 7:30 am. 
If you ever wonder why women do not give men the benefit of the doubt and act scared of you even when you haven’t done anything, this is why. When we are doing anything, at any point in time, we can be reminded of how small we are (even if you’re a strong woman like myself). That one man can scare us into submission. That we are not safe in this world and have to walk the line between being nice to men and being a bitch. 

None of this stops me from traveling and being out in the world, but goddamn does it get old dealing with it. You 

One Comment Add yours

  1. More now than ever, I can really relate to your line “have to walk the line between being nice to men and being a bitch.” There’s not a day when I DON’T struggle with this. It is so difficult, and I never think I’m striking the right balance. Even worse, when I cross into “bitch” territory, I feel terrible about it for days afterward. When will it get easier? 😦

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