Only one friend of mine knew I straightened my hair back when I was living in my truck. During that time, I was still trying to fool people into thinking I didn’t care about my looks cuz that’s what I thought only girly-girls cared about and I was not gonna be one of those. No, I was a badass tough chick with 31 inch tires and muscles who did men’s jobs. To hell with girly-girls!
I justified this refusal to look in a mirror or care about my looks as the patriarchy winning. Because as a teen I’d spent 3 hours every morning getting dressed for school. until one day I realized it was all a big fucking waste of time. So the pendulum swung far the opposite way and I developed a rigid personal code that held firm to this twisted idea that being a strong woman meant not investing time or energy into your looks cuz that was all about being fuckable, which was all about men and their needs, and women spent way too much time already trying to mold themselves into what they thought men wanted them to be.
I was a very bad feminist y’all!
I made occasional exceptions like this straightening iron, telling myself that curly hair leads to dread locks more easily when you can’t wash your hair regularly (and that’s certainly not a lie!). But the real truth was, I wanted to feel pretty… and there’s nothing wrong with that. While I still put little to no effort into my looks and never ever doll myself up (maybe earrings or some chapstick before a date) I finally came to realize in my mid 30’s that rejecting any and all forms of femininity is sexist and that this here feminist had actually fallen into the toxic masculinity camp! Women hating and rejecting and judging femininity is just as destructive and unhealthy and sexist as men doing it.
It’s okay to care about your hair and also be a feminist and also be a tomboy and also fuck a lot of dudes and also be a virgin and also wear high heels and also run around barefoot. Or whatever the fuck you want to do that makes you feel like yourself!
Feminism is about being as masculine or feminine as you want to be as long as you see that no gendered trait should ever been seen as superior to the other or exclusive to one sex.