A guy I met on Tinder took me out to dinner last week. He was only visiting LA for a few days so I assumed it would just be a fun hookup. I found out on our date that he builds freek’n missiles for a living and was born and raised in The South. Since this date happened only two days after the election, you’d think we would absolutely hate each and have to avoid politics.
Well, not even. He was actually one of the most liberal guys I’ve ever met and just as much as a feminist as I am (he didn’t brag about being one like a lot of guys who actually aren’t feminists but think they are do. No, I could just tell by the things he said and the way he spoke to me). He’d been in town all week staying with one of his best friends who’s a gay hairdresser for movie stars. And to top things off, he was the most thoughtful guy I’ve ever been with, definitely one of the best in bed, and just a total sweetheart really. He could handle me calling him out when he did say something kinda dumb, like how he thought, when he saw an improv team of all girls enter the state at a UCB show, that it wasn’t going to be funny. But it was, of course, and he loved it. When I said, “You probably assumed it wasn’t gonna be funny because most men think women just aren’t as funny as they are, even though they’d never admit that shit to themselves or out loud,” he paused, thought about it. “Huh…. Maybe I did assume that.”
So he was super humble and confident and man enough to hear the other side of things and admit when he was wrong. He called me out on a few things too, and opened my mind in many ways. He told me that at his work, all the navy guys make fun of him cuz he’s anti-gun and they give him endless shit about it but he never buckles or pretends he’s not. That’s just one example. I literally could have talked to this guy all night because I enjoyed his company just that much. And if he lived here and our life situations weren’t so incompatible, I would totally wanna date this guy.
But such is life.
Anyways, the point of this story is that I often assume military guys or super religious guys or southern guys are not feminist enough for me because of the way so many of them cling to that archaic idea that women are either whores or virgins, wife material or one-night stands, Gingers or Maryanne’s, not 3 dimensional human beings who can be both “sluts” AND self-respecting women who’d make great partners. But this man gets it. He doesn’t judge sexually liberated women and even seemed bummed himself that we didn’t have more time together. He treated me like a total gentleman, wanted nothing more than to please me in bed, and even let himself be vulnerable and open up. That shit is really hard to find in a man. Especially in a culture that shames men into being so guarded all the time,
See? Fucking dudes on tinder continues to help me grow as a human being.
Because it’s not just about sex. Sometimes it is. But often times it’s more. It’s about a shared experience with someone awesome. One that often times helps me keep an open mind, judge people less, and connect with guys I would normally not give the time of day because of my own prejudices. It also made me feel less alone and frustrated and hopeless by the fact that Nazis are being appointed to advise Trump and shit is really scary right now. Unlike a lot of my friends, who are waking up in the morning all hopeless and scared but then roll over to their partners and say “At least we have each other and are in this thing together. I think we might be okay,” single people wake up and think “FUCK. Now what is that Rapey prez doing?” Nobody reassures us. Ever. Except maybe someone on Facebook. And it’s just exhausting to be your own cheerleader all the damn time. So it was nice to feel a little less alone in all this, and connect on this really intimate level with a good man, even if it was for just one night.
Protesting is the other thing that makes me feel less alone, but on a different level.
I’m basically clinging to any little ray of hope I can get these day you guys!