What Shopping at an LA Whole Foods Is Like

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Last night I did my first shift as a grocery buyer for people who can afford to not shop for their own stuff. The way it works is I drive my own truck full of gas I paid for thru a shit ton of traffic to a Whole Foods in Hollywood and then I sit and wait in the parking lot til I get an order from the company via my phone. I sat in my truck for almost 3 hours and never got an order. They compensate me ten dollars an hour for my time If no orders come in. That’s nice of them I suppose. I probably used all 3G’s of my Verizon data plan trying to kill time during those 3 hours. And since I am a private contractor, the company makes me file taxes on my own so I will probably end up only making about $22 dollars from the 3 hours I waited for work. So yeah, I was so frustrated and bored and I eventually went inside Whole Foods to kill time and spend my whole future paycheck on yogurt and granola. But low and behold, look who I saw! Fabio! The I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-butter Fabio! He was promoting his new line of protein drinks. This priceless picture made the whole dumb day at the dumbest job ever totally worth it. But I am probably gonna quit this job cuz I spent my entire $22 on groceries and snacks and then I donated a dollar to the homeless man panhandling in the parking lot so I actually lost money on yesterday’s day of “work.” But still! This picture is worth a million days of work. I think I’m gonna like it here in LA. But Someone hire me please.

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