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Melanie Hamlett

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I Want Both This Mailbox and This House

Posted by melaniehamlett on July 9, 2013

(New Paltz, New York)

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I’m staying at this phat 3 bedroom palace in Madrid tonight. My friend and his husband are out of town and their Airbnb people just so happened to leave this morning, so they let me come here so I can fly home in the morning easily. And also be alone to process what the fuck just happened yesterday. This is the guy I met from answering the ad on Craigslist about a game party with all men. Remember y’all all thought I was gonna get murdered? Now look at me being nurtured and cared for by my friend yet again. Another friend in Madrid offered to let me stay with her tonight in her bed and she’d sleep on the couch. I’ve never met her in person but we are both comedians and have what I think of as an oddly close FB friendship where I feel like we’ve known each other for years despite not knowing her at all. I hope I would do the same for someone who’s dad just died. Another FB friend from elementary school that I haven’t seen in person in decades offered to send me money to help me get home. My stepmom found some old frequent flier miles so we’re ok. All the tickets home such late notice were almost $2,000. I hope I would offer someone money to help them fly home to bury their dad. So many people have emailed and texted and messaged me and I so appreciate all of it. It’s weird to accept so much love and support from people. It still makes me feel weird, but I force myself to accept it now. Luckily I’ve matured enough to realize it’s not only ok to accept help, it makes them feel good to give it. So thank you all. I tend to thrive in trauma for whatever reason. I think it’s cuz I hold on for dear life to the things good coming out of shitty ass situations. I’d never wish a death upon anyone, but goddamn if it doesn’t force you to acknowledge and be grateful for all the good people in your life.

My stepmom just found this lol. What a funny dude, my dad. He wrote his own obituary like 14 years ago! (Classic writer move). The last pic is my fav. In his defense, he didn’t want the “e” in my name and apparently the hospital put it on there (???) so he just remembered it the way he wanted it despite me correcting him. My dad was so passionate about civil rights and ending war, which made him really unpopular sometimes (which made him more proud). I love that he was just as proud to win that citizenry award in high school. I’m going to rewrite it for him to reflect an updated version of his life. But this is just so charming.

How the fuck do you buy plane tickets for death? They don't do those anymore I'm finding. This suuuuuuuucks.

My dad just died. I broke down crying when I got the call, but now I feel nothing. Not a goddamn thing. I'm sure I'll have A LOT to feel and say about it in the next few weeks or months or years. But today I'm in shock. A fucking BLOOD CLOT took him out suddenly. He was doing well. Remembered all of us. The Alzheimers' didn't take him. A god damn blood clot. Keep my stepmom in your thoughts. In six months she's lost her mom, her dad, and now her husband of 35 years. I'm going to bed.

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