Everything’s Bigger In Texas

Right off the interstate in Amarillo, Texas is a place called The Big Texan, which is a Steak Ranch.

The Steak Ranch offers all kinds of amenities, including a place to corral your lap dog,

an old-timey motel for humans,

and a hotel for the horse you rode in on

You and your horse will share the same pool, though.

A pool,by the way, that’s in the shape of Texas.

You’ll never meet a group of people more proud of their state than Texans. This place only proves that theory even more true.

Even their tables are in the shape of Texas.

There’s a saying that everything is bigger in Texas (I don’t know about everything – I’ve never dated a guy from Texas). Apparently, it’s true!

They have things like huge boots

and huge dead animals scattered all around the building, like this giant moose by the slot machines

and this big-ass bear in the restaurant

Speaking of animals, they have a lot of things made out of animals, like these chairs

and these cow table cloths in one of the the dining rooms

Speaking of dining rooms the other one is usually way more crowded. And full of people wearing cowboy hats.

Speaking of people wearing cowboy hats, you can get your picture made in this giant chair like these kids

and get the parents of such kids to take your picture.

Right next to the room with the giant chair is THE PALACE, which is actually a restroom.

But outside the palace is the beer garden

which has no beer or gardens, just Texas football stuff

and Native American statues aiming weapons at you

The Steak Ranch has a lot of things you wouldn’t expect, like wifi

and psychics

as well as things you would expect, like steak. Because it’s Texas, though, their steaks are SEVENTY-TWO OUNCES.

If you eat the entire steak, including all the fixin’s, you get it for free. And your name will appear on their winners board (which Charlie Sheen was not on yet)

You’ll also get your picture taken.

It’ll be hard to walk after eating ten thousand calories worth of steak, but no worries! They have free transportation to your car in the parking lot.

You can take the Steak Ranch shuttle


or their free limo service

there’s a bunch to choose from. If you can’t find them, though,

they’re located right next to the giant giant cow.

Just in case you didn’t see these pictures from other posts, Texas also has giant crosses


(on interstate 40)

and giant amputated legs wearing colorful socks

(in Amarillo)

I’m on a rock climbing vacation in Arizona right now, collecting more stories as always. I won’t have internet, but I’ll be back next week

2 Comments Add yours

  1. E. says:

    Don’t listen to them–everything is NOT bigger in Texas. It ranks 35 out of 50 for average schlong size. Don’t ask how I know this. Just accept that I do.

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