The following story takes place in a hippy neighborhood I found in Eugene, Oregon called The Whit. I was walking around one day and literally stumbled upon this crazy place and these amazing people.
Dora and I got invited to go to a party in Eugene, Oregon one day, so we got all dolled up for the special occasion.
This outdoor salon was a little rustic but totally affordable
Me: Dude, I’m soooo excited about this party. I bet there’s gonna some hot hippy guys there.
Dora: I hope so. I’m wearing this. Do you think it’s okay?
Me: Oh, girl, puh-lease! If you didn’t have the build of an infant, I’d say put a shirt on. I wish I could get away with going topless.
When we arrived at the Whitaker Cocktail Society, I was a little worried we wouldn’t fit in.
After ringing the doorbell, we waited on the Porch of Distinction for our host to come out.
I wasn’t too worried about Dora fitting in at the party after I looked around.
These people seemed obsessed with dolls
and doll body parts
Finally our host invited us in. While Dora hung out on the couch with the dogs and dolls (including the Pee Wee doll touching his friend), I used the bathroom
Right away our host, Sunshine, and I bonded. Not only did she have a large collection of globes (like me!), she also had a doll companion. Two actually. The smaller one traveled with her
and the mannequin stayed at home.
Me: Hey Dora. If you misbehave tonight, I’m gonna carve your name into your head like Lisa
Dora: I’d like to see you try. My head is made of paper.
Me: Oh, yeah.
Things were going well until Dora found the kegs out back.
Unfortunately, Dora’ favorite drinking activity is riding bikes
Me: Dora, you know you can’t drink like me. You weigh like 5 pounds and have the tolerance of an infant.
Dora: You always think yo know what’s best for me. Just leave me alone….Besides, I finally met someone who understands me, right Barbie?
Dora: and I really like this guy.
Me: Yeah. Guys who hang out next to coffins? Real winners, Dora.
Dora: Do you think if I pose all sexy in this coffin he’ll like me?
Me: I don’t know…..
…you have an entire coffin full of dirty baby-doll body parts to compete with.
Dora: Ew. I didn’t even notice how dirty they are. I guess that means it’s time for….
Me: You ought to be glad that’s a fish tank and not an actual hot tub. Anonymous hands would be finding their way into you bathing suite if there were guys and bubbles involved.
Dora: What are you talking about?
Me: Nevermind. Just wait til you’re a teenager girl, my friend.
Dora disappeared for about an hour. I eventually found her passed out in the Zoltar Booth
Me: Dora, what are you doing in there?
Dora: Sorry, but I only answer people who pay their 25 cents.
Me: Alight. Fine.
Dora: Your future is that you will never leave Dora. Or get laid. Ever.
Me: You better be wrong about both.
Later on, Dora disappeared yet again.
Me: Dora? Where are you?
Dora: I’m in here.
Me: What the….
Me: Why did you lock yourself in a trunk you idiot!!!!
Dora: I needed a quiet place to pass out.
Just then Sunshine came over
Sunshine: Hey, Dora! You know my mannequin Lisa loves bowas. I think you should wear one too.
Me: Dora doesn’t like pink, Sunshine
Dora: Yes I do. Look. I’m a sex kitten
Awhile later I caught Dora just as she was trying to leave the party without me
Me: Where do you think you’re going Little Miss Thang?
Dora: Nowhere. I was just trying to find coffin guy
Me: Forget that guy. Besides, if you run off one more time, I’m gonna hang you by the hair from a door like her
Dora: I’d like to see you try. My head is made of paper
Me: By the way, you need to forget about Coffin guy. He’s too busy putting up the basketball hoop to notice you anyways.
The next morning, I found Dora passed out in front of Sunshine’s house in a hammock
Sunshine: Morning Sunshine! Oh, that’s my name. Hah!
Me: Dora, we have to talk. Come sit on the couch with me
Me: I know you think this is some sort of joke, but I am tired of babysitting your ass.
Dora: But that’s your job. You’re my primary caretaker.
Me: Yeah, but you’re being a jerk. I’m not talking to you for awhile
Dora: Good. I’m not talking to you either.
Two minutes later
Dora: I can’t take this anymore. I’m sorry, okay?
Me: Don’t humor me with your “I’m sorries.” Show me your sorry and don’t do it again.
Dora: Okay, I promise.
Dora and I made up. It was the best day of babydoll parts and coffins on Summer Tour 2009 EVER!!!!!