Craigslist Game Party #4: The Wedding!!!!!

My roommate was kind enough to let me borrow her computer today until I can get a new one. Many thanks to her for this story being uploaded!

A couple months ago, I answered an ad on craigslist to play games with a bunch of men I didn’t know. I have gone four times and it just keeps getting better. I’m always the only woman there. Despite the recent Craigslist murders, I’m still playing games and hoping I don’t get murdered. This is what happened this week:

After an intense game of Password, I went to get away from everyone for a minute.  My surrogate Grandpa and had just gotten into another one of our fights.   So I got to thinking…..


Me (to myself): What the fuck is wrong with me?  I am a 31 yr old woman playing Cranium with people I met on craigslist on a Saturday night.

Just then, one of the new guys I’d just met came over.


New Guy: Melanie…that’s your name right???

Me: Yep.

New Guy: Okay. Phew.  Um, well, You see, I was waiting for my turn in the game when I  looked over and saw you. That’s when I realized I didn’t care when it was my turn to roll the dice.  The only thing I wanna  roll is you, baby. No one else has ever made me indifferent to  Cranium.  I know this may seem crazy cuz you barely know me, but I love you. Will you marry me?


ME: Oh my God!  Really? ……YEAH…. HELL YEAH!!!!

ME (to myself): No more nights with the rabbit.


I have never been much of a crier.  I couldn’t hold back though.


I asked my surrogate Grandpa if he’d give me away.  The Game Master (my surrogate Dad) had run out for pizza.


When  I walked in and saw my future husband and our priest, I almost passed out with nerves.


Grampa asked them to get a fan for me.



And I perked right up!


Me: Grampa, do you think Game Master will be upset he’s missing the wedding?


Grandpa: Dear, you let me worry about him.  This is your special day. Not his.

Gradpa (to himself): That asshole better bring back no anchovies this time. Sonofabitch knows I hate anchovies.


We were both a bundle of nerves. I even forgot to give my flowers away.


I almost lost it when it came time to exchange rings.  


I couldn’t believe he knew I loved imaginary platinum!  


I had a hard time concentrating when it came time to say our vows.


The painting behind New Guy was just so interesting.



Preacher: By the powers invested in me, the state of New York, and the  255 Party Games To Play Book, I now declare you Husband and Wife! You may now kiss the bride!!!!

Preacher (to himself):  Yeah.  Get her. Shove that shit down her throat man.




Me: Grandpa! Don’t cry!  Look, I’m finally married!!!!!  


Granpa: Oh, sweetheart, they’re tears of joy. That’s all. Old men can cry too, ya know

Grandpa (to himself): That bag of dicks better be here soon with the pizza before I eat my fucking fist.

Just then, Game Master returned.  And boy was he pissed!!!!


Game Master: How could you?  Not only did you ruin my surrogate daughter’s life in the half hour I was gone, but you disrespected the sacred text of Game Night. 


Game Master (to himself): I’ll never get to rock her to sleep with a story again.  What has my baby done?

Game Master:  You!  It’s all your fault!  You’re banned from Game Night….FOREVER, New Guy!!!!!!!!!

IMG_3631 1

New Guy: Mother fuck’n shit! …..Wait, I’ll get an annulment.


Me:  See! I told you  he’d be upset, Grandpa! I hate you all! I’m going home to play with my fucking rabbit now.  I hope you’re happy!  I’ll be single forever now.  You’ve ruined my life!

IMG_3643 1

Grandpa: Calm down, Dear. Have some pizza. There’s no anchovies.

To see more craigslist adventures like this:


or to see any of the other craigslist game parties or other adventures, click on CRAIGSLIST ADVENTURES at the very top of the page.

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