Category Archives: International Stories

(To understand the story below, you might want to read yesterday’s post first)
Most people go to Barbados to relax. But for me, narcolepsy +relaxing = sleeping entire vacation. But I gave the relaxing thing a shot.

I found lounging by the super nice pool to be pleasant, but lonely..

So I decided to give the beach a try.

I took this strange beach elevator. I entered on the second floor rocky cliff and exited on the lobby floor beach.

Most people around me were reading books, so that seemed like the appropriate thing for me to do.

A friend had suggest this book. It was gonna teach me how to be spiritual.

My doctor wants me to take ritilin all the time, but I only take it to drive, watch movies, or read books.

I take a full dose if the book is boring.

I fell asleep of course, so I tried another book.

I took really good notes on how to live in the now.

Boring book + sound of ocean = one hour nap.
I thought about taking some more ritilin, but then remembered swimming usually woke me up (although I have fallen asleep swimming in the past).

The goggles I had were rotten for some reason though.

I looked at my clock-phone a million times. TIme was moving so slow. I said to hell with it. I hated relaxing. I wanted to work.

That’s when I noticed the chair dude. Maybe he’d give me a job.

He did! I was great at putting umbrellas in the ground. I just sucked at putting them up.

My new boss soon fired me, but said not to worry. He would marry and take care of me.

But I didn’t want to be taken care of, so I respectfully declined

I asked the housekeeping lady if she’d give me a job. She didn’t. She liked me and felt sorry for me, so she asked me to come live with her and her family. I didn’t like living in houses, so I respectfully declined.

While job hunting, I ran into this parking lot attendent and asked if he needed anyone

He didn’t need anyone to work, but was looking for a wife to have babies with. I didn’t want babies, so I respectfully declined.

I even tried a career as a comedian in Barbados, but the audience didn’t think I was very funny. This guy tried to put me in a Half Nelson to shut me up.

When I finally gave up all hope, I stumbled upon this place. Maybe I could get a job waiting tables or something.

But it wasn’t really a bar. Apparently, men came here to buy companionship, not drinks

Inside I met this guy, who said he wanted to hire me.

Then I thought of my hero again.

and asked myself W.W.J.D? (what would Julia do?)

Not only did I find a new job, I found my Richard Gere!

Stayed tuned to the next episode when I become a rastafarian.

Last year my Dad and Stepmom were so generous to invite my sister and me on their amazing vacation to Barbados. Since my idea of a vacation is living in my truck in the woods or in parking lots, this was like flying off to become a princess for a week.

I made the mistake of reading the emergency evacuation pamphlet on the plane ride there.

I may have once been a Raft Guide, Outward Bound Instructor, and Wilderness First Responder, but I wanted nothing to do with that emergency door now. So I switched with the 13 yr old next to me.

I’d always been so proud of the fact that I could handle any ride at the state fair… but that plane ride got the best of me. I guess those 12 years of bulimia had turned me into a real lightweight.

When we landed in Barbados, we had to take a cab to the hotel (something that I have only paid for 3 times in the 3 years I’ve lived in NYC).

We followed this truck of locals.

Wow, I was gonna fit right in on this island.

Riding on my Mom’s little farm truck in Kentucky was one of my favorite things to do!

We arrived at our SUPER nice hotel called The Crain

I think it was named after the bird, but I only saw these kinds

The first thing I noticed at the hotel was the back yard.

I was soooo excited. It would be much nicer than the lumpy gravel I was used to sleeping on.

But my sister soon informed me I would be sleeping inside, not outside.

When I got to the hotel room, the first thing I noticed was the outdoor eating area.

It was much nicer than my outdoor eating area had been back in New Mexico

I spent some time exploring the kitchen. It was amazing!

Much nicer than the kitchens I was used to cooking in

Then I relaxed into my own private bed.

My sister rolled her eyes and showed me the bed- bed.

It was huge!

It reminded me of the first time I slept indoors, in a real bed after moving to NYC

While the cubicle I’d lived in was small, the bed had been super comfy

Being narcoleptic, it only took a couple seconds of inactivity before I was out.

When I awoke, I explored some more.
That’s when I came across one of those isolation glass boxes

The last time I’d been in one was for a job I found on craigslist to be a lung research patient. But that isolation glass box had been waaaaaaay smaller.

My sister told me I stank and that I should take a bath.

I have ALWAYS hated baths.

Then I remembered my favorite scene from my favorite movie….

and I rejoiced being in the bathtub!

Bathing was so much fun!

I really was a princess, just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman

minus being a hooker

Stayed tuned to the next episode where I become a Rastafarian in Barbados!

To see my former life in a trailer, click
http://melaniehamlett.com/2009/05/21/i-found-my-new-trailer-in-nyc/

To see my year living in a cubicle made of sheets, click
http://melaniehamlett.com/2009/05/06/my-first-home-…made-of-sheets/