I heard they had mud wrestling at this place west of Taos, so last week I went.
I’d expected a trashy venue for such a rowdy, scandelous sport, but this place was super nice. Here I’d thought only civilized places have things like hand-carved chairs,
adorable garbage cans,
outdoor fire places,
and bossy signs
I knew I must be in the right place, though, when I saw this wrestler in a robe.
I was a little concerned by the fact there were so many older ladies wrestling. I really didn’t want to be breaking hips or anything.
But then I saw these guys and realized old women were the least of my problems. Here I’d thought men wouldn’t want to wrestle, only watch from the sidelines and get aroused. Silly me!
While I was looking for the pit, I came across several nice hot tubs full of natural spring water and sunbathers. I was starting to think maybe I was in the wrong place….
And then I found it! The mud pit.
Everybody here was covered in mud!
especially the older ladies
It seemed like an awfully small pit for two people to wrestle in, but I gave it a go
until all these people started yelling at me and pointing at this sign.
They told me I needed to “slather it on” with my hands. It made no sense to me why you would put mud on before you wrestle, but I did what I was told.
I even put mud in my mouth to scare my opponent, but that was a terrible idea. This stuff was so gross.
For whatever reason, none of these stupid, lame people would wrestle with me, so I decided to lay down and wait awhile until a contender showed up. Clearly someone had waited in this chair before me.
Like any other woman desperate for male attention, I just loved being covered in mud, lookin’ all sexy.
Well, that only lasted about three minutes because soon all this crap started to dry up, meaning I couldn’t even MOVE.
Since there was no way I could wrestle now, I figured I’d at least scare the crap out of my opponents, should one ever show up.
While I stood there, trying to scare people, I noticed this sign. This wasn’t a wrestling pit! It was a stupid mud bath for rich people. Not only did I not get to wrestle, I totally ruined my brand new bathing suit, damnit!
Everything I owned was covered in mud, including my rip-off designer sunglasses.
With all my clothes ruined now, I really needed to clean up and change. But I couldn’t. There were no robes to be found. When I cruised over to the pool
I found this robed man, who told me it cost 15 bucks to rent one of their robes. Can you believe that?
I had no clothes, no robe, and nowhere to go, so I did what I always do. I took a nap.
(This place is called Ojo Caliente and it’s only an hour away from Taos. If you’re ever in the area, you should take a soak. The robes may be a rip-off, but the rest is well worth the twenty bucks)