Monthly Archives: December 2010

Two Violent Deaths in the Perfect Disney Town

So that the creepy town Disney used to own called “Celebration” has just experienced it’s first murder. I knew that town was messed up. I went there with my sister a couple of years ago and somehow ended up spending the day taking pictures of me acting like their only homeless resident. I passed out on the benches and in a phone booth, pissed on the sidewalk, and ate out of the garbage. I’m surprised I didn’t get arrested, now that I think about it. The town is so creepy that the people who live there wear clothing with the logo “Celebration” on their polo shirts. They had more pride than people from Texas!

Last year I put together this 3 minute slideshow of me being homeless in Celebrations, set it to music, and put it on youtube. I hope you enjoy it. Just click the link:

Here’s a preview

Right after I posted this story, someone left a comment with a link to a SECOND violent death in Celebration this week. All those perfect people have gone psycho!

Swine Flu Masks Are Soooo Not Cool Anymore

I saw these tourists on the subway platform yesterday.

Most of the New Yorkers in the vicinity gave them long, judgmental stares, as if saying, “What? Our air isn’t good enough for you, you paranoid freak.” That’s another thing I love about this city. People non-verbally call each other out on their shit all time.

Party Time

Tonight is my going-away show/party/auction thingy. I’m posting this picture because it’s probably the closest I will ever get to Tracy Morgan and I’m a little shocked this guy thinks my silly little party is such a big deal! To read the review, click the link. I’ll be back with more stories tomorrow. For now I got a party to focus on!

Sometimes You Have To Auction Off the People You Love Most

So there’s a lot going on in this picture. This is when Dora, my R2D2 cooler and I visited Foamhendge in Virginia. (Yep, it’s a Stonehenge replication made out of styrafaom).

When I was in college in Missoula, Montana, I entered a Star Wars Pepsi contest at least three times a day, every single day, for three months. I found out at the end of the summer that I was the only one who actually entered the contest. The punk-ass gas station clerks thought it would be funny to see how long I’d keep buying Pepsi big gulps just so I could enter again. With the exception of a long stay in my parent’s basement and a trip around the country on a Widespread Panic tour (where my friends made bank selling microbrews out of it in parking lots), this thing has been with me for ten years now. Actually, we were separated one more time when it was kidnapped back in 2001. It took many phone calls and lots of driving around Montana, but I finally found him in some random dude’s basement. R2 and I have been through a lot together.

Sooooo, after long, hard thought, I’ve decided it’s time to part ways. There are waaaay too many Star Wars nuts out there who will appreciate R2 more than me, especially in the comedy community in NYC. I will be auctioning R2 off at the The Hobo Show after party this Saturday. Half of the proceeds will go towards new tires for my move to New Mexico, the other half will be donated to The Moth (a non-profit that does amazing community outreach programs). I trust R2 will become someone else’s cooler or laundry basket, or best friend. Besides, I still have Dora.

For details about the show/party/auction, click here. It’s gonna be amazing!

Picking Up Vikings in NYC

This is one of the many things I’m going to really miss about NYC.

There wasn’t a viking event or parade or any legitimate reason for this guy to be wearing this outfit other than the fact he wanted to. You just don’t have that kind of inhibition in most places.

(Manhattan, NYC)

Southerners Have Invaded Manhatten

(NY, NY)