One day I was driving through Kentucky when I came across the oldest KFC ever.
In honor of its founder, this KFC was called “Sanders Cafe”
Thank God it served the regular KFC menu
While waiting on my bucket of chicken, I noticed strange artwork in the corner
Me: Whoa… a Colonel Sanders wind thingy!
Colonel Sanders: You thinks that’s impressive, check out my bronze head!
Me: Colonel! I thought you were dead.
Colonel: Yeah, people think Elvis is dead too. I just wanted to be left alone… Come have a seat, doll.
Me: So you were tired of being famous, huh?
Colonel: You don’t know what it’s like being the most recognized face on the planet, next to Jesus maybe.
Me: Oh come on. It’s not like you were a celebrity.
Colonel: Damn right I was. Not just here. We’re talking worldwide. Didn’t you see the clogs them Danes gave me on my world tour?
Colonel: Hell, I was like a super hero back in the day. Even had a Cornel Sanders Halloween costume…
and a bobble head.
Me: Oh my God! I totally forgot I was the Colonel Sanders for Halloween one year!
Colonel: I bet you didn’t know I ran for senator either, did ya?
Me: Hah! That’s more ridiculous than if the Terminator became governor of the the richest state in the union. Stop your kidding, ya jerk.
Colonel: See for yourself, toots.
Colonel: I was quite handsome back in the day
Me: Yeah, but I like guys with goatees. You look way hotter now.
Colonel: Well, I appreciate that, sweets, but I’m a good, Christian man. And I’m married. Maybe you should go see the rest of the museum now before we do something we’re both gonna regret.
Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that line before. I’m sure you’ll be texting me tonight once your wife passes out to Leno.
Colonel: I doubt that…..but my brother might. You should introduce yourself. He’s my twin. Runs the motel for me.
Me: Motel? Where’s that?
Colonel: It’s just past the kitchen…
….. in the dining area.”
The Colonel wasn’t lying. There really was a hotel room right in the middle of the dining room.
and a brother
Colonel’s Brother: Yo girl, come talk to Daddy.
Me: Hey….so what exactly is this room for?
Colonel’s Brother: It’s where I talk to hot chicks like you. No pun intended.
Me: You’re pretty funny old man. But really, what do you do in here?
Colonel’s Bro: I do a lot of typing. And eating of potato chips. You like potato chips?
Me: Not really, but thanks
Colonel’s Bro: How ’bout gerbils?
….. me and Richard Gere have a lot in common, if you know what I mean.
Me: Yeeeah, I gotta go. My chicken bucket is probably ready by now.
Colonel’s Bro: Fine then, slutbag. Have it your way. But I wouldn’t eat too much of our finger-lick’n good chicken cuz you’ll get fat….
…… or end up look’n like me.