One night I pulled into this Walmart parking lot in Tennessee to sleep.
Unfortunately, the trees didn’t provide much shade from the lights
But I usually cover my windows with fabric anyways. It diffuse street lights
and deters rapists.
I like to indulge in some light reading material before bed
like a novel about Columbine
Most nights I remember to turn off my headlamp
before passing out.
While dreaming about teenagers in Trench coats, I was woken up by whistling
Me: Are you kidding me?
Dora: What? I didn’t do anything.
Me: Shhhhhhhhhhhhh
Dora: Shhh yourself. I’m trying to sleep.
Ten minutes later….
Dora: Hey Mel?????
Me: What now?
Dora: I’m getting bit by misquitos
Me: Fine. I’ll cover the holes in the screen so the little princess doesn’t get any bug bites…
….are you happy now.
Dora: Yes, Thank you.
Ten minutes later.
Dora: Hey Mel?
Me: Jesus! What now?
Dora: I can’t sleep. Can I pretty, pretty, pretty please sleep in the bed?
Me: If it will shut you up
Dora: Really?!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Yeah. But if you say a word, you’re sleeping on the roof
Dora: Yipppieeeeeee
Dora: Hey, Mel
Me: Don’t even ask.
>
Dora: But I’m cold
Me: Not my problem.
Eleven minutes later
Dora: God, I wish she’ wake up. I’m bored…
…Maybe this will wake her up
Me: That’s it, I’ve had it. I’m taking you to my narcolepsy doctor
Dora: But I don’t have narcolepsy.
Me: I don’t care. You’ve got something and I’m tired of losing sleep because of it.
The next morning, my narcolepsy doctor was able to work Dora in
I fell asleep in the waiting room.
Dora got a little excited since she’d never been to a doctor before.
Dora: Oh my God! A hospital bed!
Me: Wrong. Not in a hospital.
Dora: Hey what’s this thing do?
Me: Ew! Put that down. Those are for enimas
Dora: Yuck!
Dora: Hey, do you think his liscense is real?
Me: Of course it is. He keeps me from passing out while driving doesn’t he?
Dora: But I could print out a piece of paper that looks just like this
Doctor: Well, hello there, ladies.
Dora: Oh, hey Doc.
Dr: Have a seat. So what seems to be the problem here?
Dora: Well, I can’t sleep.
Doctor: Uh, huh.
Doctor: And your hearing is fine?
Dora: Yes
Doctor: And your heart?
Dora: Yep
Doctor: And your teeth?
Dora: Besides these stupid braces, my teeth are fine.
Doctor: Well, I think I see the problem
Dora: What Doc? What is it?
Doctor: Well, it’s quite simple, really: You talk too much.
Mel: I knew it!
Dora: So no meds or nothin? I just have to talk less?
Doctor: Yep! This is great news. Let’s high five
Me: Doc, you have no idea how long I’ve been trying to tell her this. Now maybe she’ll believe me.
Doctor: Let’s hope so. High-five!
Doctor: Hey nurse, how about a group photo for the wall?
This doctor is actually my Sleep Medicine doctor and he’s fantastic. A big thanks to him and the nurses for being such good sports!
