Monthly Archives: March 2010

This is the kind of house you’ll find in my neighborhood of Queens

And this is this is the kind of thing people in my neighborhood use to decorate their houses

This bank in Wall Drug, South Dakota made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

They know me too well. Just like with guys, I forget to ask myself if I like them (or trust them with all my money) because I’m too distracted by the attention

One day I was driving through Kentucky when I came across the oldest KFC ever.

In honor of its founder, this KFC was called “Sanders Cafe”

Thank God it served the regular KFC menu

While waiting on my bucket of chicken, I noticed strange artwork in the corner

Me: Whoa… a Colonel Sanders wind thingy!

Colonel Sanders: You thinks that’s impressive, check out my bronze head!

Me: Colonel! I thought you were dead.
Colonel: Yeah, people think Elvis is dead too. I just wanted to be left alone… Come have a seat, doll.

Me: So you were tired of being famous, huh?
Colonel: You don’t know what it’s like being the most recognized face on the planet, next to Jesus maybe.

Me: Oh come on. It’s not like you were a celebrity.
Colonel: Damn right I was. Not just here. We’re talking worldwide. Didn’t you see the clogs them Danes gave me on my world tour?

Colonel: Hell, I was like a super hero back in the day. Even had a Cornel Sanders Halloween costume…

and a bobble head.

Me: Oh my God! I totally forgot I was the Colonel Sanders for Halloween one year!

Colonel: I bet you didn’t know I ran for senator either, did ya?

Me: Hah! That’s more ridiculous than if the Terminator became governor of the the richest state in the union. Stop your kidding, ya jerk.

Colonel: See for yourself, toots.

Colonel: I was quite handsome back in the day

Me: Yeah, but I like guys with goatees. You look way hotter now.

Colonel: Well, I appreciate that, sweets, but I’m a good, Christian man. And I’m married. Maybe you should go see the rest of the museum now before we do something we’re both gonna regret.

Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that line before. I’m sure you’ll be texting me tonight once your wife passes out to Leno.

Colonel: I doubt that…..but my brother might. You should introduce yourself. He’s my twin. Runs the motel for me.
Me: Motel? Where’s that?
Colonel: It’s just past the kitchen…

….. in the dining area.”

The Colonel wasn’t lying. There really was a hotel room right in the middle of the dining room.

and a brother

Colonel’s Brother: Yo girl, come talk to Daddy.

Me: Hey….so what exactly is this room for?
Colonel’s Brother: It’s where I talk to hot chicks like you. No pun intended.

Me: You’re pretty funny old man. But really, what do you do in here?
Colonel’s Bro: I do a lot of typing. And eating of potato chips. You like potato chips?

Me: Not really, but thanks
Colonel’s Bro: How ’bout gerbils?

….. me and Richard Gere have a lot in common, if you know what I mean.
Me: Yeeeah, I gotta go. My chicken bucket is probably ready by now.

Colonel’s Bro: Fine then, slutbag. Have it your way. But I wouldn’t eat too much of our finger-lick’n good chicken cuz you’ll get fat….

…… or end up look’n like me.

This is on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere in Arizona

and it’s terrifying

I think what this restaurant meant to say was “No Bull-shit” because they most definitely served hamburgers.

(South Dakota)

Screw the Sex In The City Tour. I wanna see where this tour bus goes.

(NYC)

I saw this sign on my way to Yellowstone in Idaho

I never figured out who this guy is, but I’m kinda jealous he gets his own sign

Who would have guessed this was a fancy steakhouse?

I’ve never even heard of the “COOK-YOUR-OWN-STEAK” place

But of course its home would be in Montana

One day I was driving through Colorado and saw this on the side of the highway

I was stoked to not only see the open sign

but to soon find out what a fenced-in, giant insect had to do with space

I went pretty far off the highway looking for this museum and almost turned around, until I saw this sign hidden in the bushes

I’m not sure if I made it to the Museum of Space Exploration, but I definitely was in a museum

A museum that had nothing to do with space and everything to do with Hawaii.

Theese razor sharp teeth are kinda neat on 18 wheelers, but seem inappropriate on a Winnebago, especially if said Winnebago is driven by senior citizens.

(Wyoming)