One day I was in St. Augustine, Florida when I came across a large collection of cannons.
Then I saw this sign
A dream come true!
So, of course, I picked out my very own cannonballs
and the perfect cannon
and waited patiently for my chance to fire a cannonball.
Then this jerk came over
and posted this sign
This picture doesn’t accurately portray my level of disappointment at having a dream crushed like that.
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These people brought their own chairs for their subway ride, along with a book shelf and drying rack.
The woman was kind enough to leave her chair available for others
The man’s chairs must have been comfy because fell asleep
in front of his heart-shaped bookshelf.
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I can’t remember which state I saw this sign, but I can guarantee it was in the South.
Will the government bail out God if necessary, though?
One day Dora and I were in Jackson Hole, Wyoming and decided to hike up a mountain
Me: This is so amazing. A little exercise will be good for ya, Dora. Those days of me carrying you everywhere are over.
(flashback)
Dora: But my legs are so small. I’ll never be able to make it the whole way.
Me: Don’t be so lazy. You know, I think you’re just afraid.
Dora: Well, yeah. Kinda. You know how much I hate heights.
Me: Yeah, I remember. That’s why I’m gonna help you get over it
Dora: but-
Me: See? It’s not so scary is it?
Dora: I hate you.
Me: Hey now. Don’t be a hater. Especially in such a beautiful place
Dora: Okay, okay. Can we please just hike down now?
Me: Sure, but first take a look around. Soak in The Nature.
Dora: You mean “nature.” There’s no “The” in front of the word nature.
Me: Whatever, smarty pants. Just think, when was the last time you saw
…huge trees,
…. wildflowers in a field,
or wildflowers…
in front of ginormous electric towers in the wilderness?
Me: Hey, speaking of trees, let’s climb one!
Dora (to herself): Screw this. I’m going back to the truck.
Me: Hey Dora, get up here. The view’s amazing!
Me: Dora………?
Dora had apparently run off. These people told me they’d passed her on the trail
So I went looking for her
When I got to the road, these Harley Davidson people were taking photos with Dora
Me: Dora, what the hell are you doing?
Dora: I’m taking photos with my new friends. Duh!
Cigarette Man: So you’re the woman who gets a kick out of throwing helpless little girls off mountains, huh?
Me: Dora! That was a joke!
Cigarette Man: So you think that’s funny do ya?…
….I tell you what’s funny: a grown woman carrying around a babydoll
Me: I don’t carry her around
(Carrying Flashbacks)
Me: Well, not anymore that is.
Biker Chick: This lady’s bad news. Strap the girl in, Hoss
Hoss: Yes mam.
Dora: Where are we going?
Biker Lady: Mexico. Where else would we go?
Dora: Oh My God, I can’t wait!
Me: Dora, why would you want to go back there? You’ll never get across the border if you ever want to return
Dora: I’m American. Why do you always forget that.
Me: Sure you are. And I’m a polar bear.
Biker Chick: You sure you wanna do this?
Dora: Sure, I’m sure. Let’s blow this joint.
Mustache Man: You say you got a joint, kid?
Dora: No, it was just a figure of speech.
Me: Dora, if you leave, you’ll never see me again
Dora: Is that a promise?
Me: Okay, how about if you stay, I’ll let you drive
Dora: You swear?
By the way, Dora really sucked at driving
Best day of meeting biker dudes and finding electrical towers in the wilderness ever!
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Tagged bikers, Harly Davidson, hiking, Jackson Hole, wildflowers, Wyoming
One night I was walking around Nashville and came across this giant rooster
The rest is history
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While waiting at a bus stop in NYC the other day, I noticed this sign.
Any company that saves someone from being bitten by a poisonous snake is amazing in my eyes!
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One day, while driving through Oregon, Dora and I saw this sign
so we stopped for some pizza at this sketchy place
Unfortunately, it was closed
Since we were in the middle of nowhere, my cell phone didn’t work
so I used this pay phone to look up other Diners.
While I was searching through the phone book
Dora noticed something
and that’s when I saw
the man who was about to try to murder us.
You see, apparently, we hadn’t just stopped at Bates Pizza Place
We’d stopped at that motel from frick’n PSYCHO
>
Don’t worry, we didn’t get murdered.
Best motel /pizza shop to get murdered in on Summer Tour 2009 ever!
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Not only do children get picked up at this bus stop in Virginia
but so does all the town’s trash.
What an efficient use of space!
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One day I was hanging out in a liquor store parking lot in West Virginia when I saw this man loading all these heavy cases of beer into his minivan
So I got to thinking: Wouldn’t it be great if you could get gas and booze all in one stop?
Just then I notice the BP in front of me.
Not only did they have a huge supply of beer and liquor
(which you could gat around the corner of this arrow)
but a drive thru for lazy people like me
or guys who wanna chat with beautiful women while buying their booze
And the best part was, of course,
their Southern hospitality
Way to go BP! You guys are brilliant!
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All over America, there are people who hate Meth addicts.
These high schoolers in Lander, Wyoming rallied against them by signing this banner
(play on words….how funny!)
The people of Butte, Montana didn’t think very highly of meth addicts either
or people with leprocy
At least they weren’t as bad as these people in Arkansas
who were trying to trick them into dying.
People who discriminate against meth addicts can be real jerks!
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