Daily Archives: October 27, 2009

World’s Smallest Horse!!!

One day Dora and I were driving through Wyoming…

jackson.entering

when we saw a bunch of people on horses.

driving.horses

Dora: Oh my God, I love horses! Can we please go horseback riding? I’ll do anything. Pretty please?
jackson.driving

Me: If you can keep your trap shut for the next three days, I’ll do whatever you want. Hell, I’ll even buy you a horse.
metalking
Dora: Deal!

So we drove to Jackson Hole, where I used to live. They always had that kind of touristy crap in Jackson.
jackson

As soon as I saw this lady on a horse, we parked the truck and followed her.

Sure enough, they had tons of horses
ponyrides
Me: See, I told you they’d have horseback riding in Jackson Hole.
Dora: But that’s not a horse. That’s a pony. Ponies are for babies.

ponyride

Me: Actually, ponies are for rich little girls. I don’t have five bucks to spare on an ungrateful poor little girl anyways.

ponyrides.fivebucks

Dora: I’m not ungrateful, I just –
Me: Wait. look at that sign!
ponyride.minihorse

Me: If you’re too cool for a pony, are you also too cool for the wold’s smallest horse?
Dora: Oh my God!
mini.horse.sign

We went behind the tiny box to find the tiny horse

mini.horse

and found it sleeping.

Dora: Hey little horsie!
mini.horse.dora

Me: You know it says something when the freak show thinks you’re the freak, Dora. Just look at its face.
mini.horse.fear

Dora: He’s scared of people, not me.
Me: Maybe they’ll let you be in this freak show with your big ass head.
Dora: You’re mean.

Me: Hey, speaking of freaks, what are those people doing?

nugget

Hippy dude: Hey look man, a bull named after weed!

bullhorns.dora
Dora got her picture taken with Nugget. She didn’t understand the drug reference of course.

Nugget, actually, wasn’t nearly as impressive as the other big-horned bull.
recyle

I was a little too scared to put my recyclables in their designated recycling bucket.

recyle2

Dora wanted her picture taken with all the animals of course.
dora.cow.hump

The hunch-back bull

pigs
The pigs (especially the pink runt one)

milking.wide
and a cow.

milking.cow

Unfortunately, the cow had to be milked and was in no mood for pictures.

When Dora saw this family playing with goats (her favorite), she insisted we stop.

goats.kidsfeding

I remembered having seen these signs on the way in

no.food

but I didn’t really take them seriously.

no.pacifiers

Little did we know, they were ravenous!

goat.dorashand2

Dora: Hey look, they’re sucking on my hand!

Me: Yeah, that’s cuz they think you’re a nipple.
goat.dorashand

The goats starting ganging up on Dora

goat.distraction

But I didn’t notice cuz I was too busy checking out the hot guy next to the cows.

dudew:pitchfork

Dora: OUCH! He’s eating me!
Me: You know, Dora, as much as I hate redneck guys, there’s just something about a man with a pitchfork

goat.eating1

Dora: HELP!!!!

goat.eating.close

Me: What’s the probl—–

goat.eatinghair

Me: Holy shit. Give me that you stupid goat!

doras.hair

As I tried to ask Dora what happened, he came back for more

goat.dorafaces.camera

I grabbed Dora and took her away…

goat.looingatcamera

but the goat seemed somewhat pleased with himself.

Dora said she felt dirty and violated
papertowels
so I took her to the convenient hand-washing station.

Me: Hey don’t worry about what happened back there. I’ll glue your hair back on.
Dora: I HATE GOATS NOW. They can go tongue my shi—
Me: Whoa! Watch your language there, Dora. Where’d you learn to talk like that?
Dora: I heard you say it the other day.
Me: Oh, yeah.

brushme

I took Dora over to this cow to take her mind off the assault

Me: Go ahead. The sign said you can brush him
Dora: But I’m scared now.

brush.it.dora

Me: Okay, then I’ll just make you do it.
Dora: Okay fine!

brush.dora

After Dora faced her fear, I promised I’d take her we’d go ride some real horses.

And wouldn’t you know we found some
horses

Best day of getting assaulted by a goat on Summer Tour 2009 EVER!