A Goddess Festival in Idaho

One day, Dora and I were driving through Boise, Idaho (on our way to the Potato Museum) when we came across these tents.

establishingshot

Holy crap! It was a Goddess Festival!

god.fest.sign

There were all these booths selling the coolest stuff

like romance enhancement parties

essence.wide

(for women only)

essence4

crazy hair,

crazyhair

face-painting, and SAND!!!!

They also had a pavilion for people wanting to take naps (or for narcoleptics)
pavilion

and TONS of food

aladin

like Egyptian Food

corn dogs, curly fries
cotton.candy
and my favorite: cotton candy!

They even had Kanak food
catering

which, according to Wikipedia, is from a tribe of people named after ME!
Picture 18

On my way to go get a caramel brownie and apple dumpling, I noticed a real, live Goddess.

couple.backs

And God!

I ended up joining them for lunch.
couple.eating
When we were done they suggested I go and see the belly dancers

They were right. The dancers were on fire!
audience

bellyancers

The solo belly dancer had an AMAZING performance

belly.back

bellyfront

belly.covered

I noticed out of the corner of my eye this sketchy dude watching Dora.
Unfortunately, I didn’t listen to my maternal instinct about him
man

because I got distracted by the fair food behind him. I told Dora I’d be right back, and went and got me some deep fried cinnamon roles

fried.coke

deep fried coke, and dog bites (which I’d never had before, but were amazing)

When I got back, Dora was gone!

I prayed to my Goddess (which I didn’t really believe in) about what I should do. She told me to follow the hippies. So I did

tie.dye.purses
This tie-dye wearing woman selling purses (just like they do in NYC!) didn’t have a clue

tall

nor did this incredibly tall hippy lady

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or the hippy dude sewing,

rose.garden

I asked this tie-dye lady stretching in the rose garden, but she didn’t know crap

bbq

nor did this hippy selling BBQ.

I was at a total loss. Until….

birks

I noticed some suspicious shoes.

birks2

Birkenstocks! I knew only hippies (and Germans) wore Birkenstocks.

I noticed this man, who just so happened to be missing shoes.

red.tent.man

So I followed him into The Red Tent.

red.tent

The dude disappeared. But then I ran into these ladies

royal.prep
Me: Excuse me. Sorry to interupt, but I’m looking for my doll with a Pinata head. Braces. Cute but annoying. Have you seen her?
Lady1: I’m so sorry, but no, we haven’t. We’re preparing for the Goddess’s arrival though. Maybe she will know.

Just then the Goddess arrived
royal.standing

Goddess: Who let this bird in here? Now I have to kill it with my stick and you know how much I hate killing things, girls.
Lady2: Sorry Goddess. It won’t happen again.
Goddess: Better not. I shall sit now.

royal.court

My corns are killing me.

royalsit

Well, hello there, Melanie. Where’s that cute little girl of yours?
Me: I wish I knew. Can you help me?
Goddess: Nope……..But maybe God can.

royal.mel

God: Sorry. I got noth’n.
Goddess: Why don’t you follow your gut, dear. I have some goddess studying to do. Try asking my doll if she’s seen your doll
Me: Well thanks
Me Under my breath: for nothing you stupid c—(bleep).

barbie
The Goddess’s doll was kind of a jerk and told me to try magic

magic

which didn’t work of course

When I left the tent, I immediately came across some more hippies selling tie-dye. That’s when I noticed the sign for a Journey Into You

tie.dye.journey
Maybe Goddess was right. Maybe I needed to do some soul searching for answers.

I waited in line for a reading
palm.reading

but these old people took too freak’n long

So I found another booth
crystal
that had readings and crytstals

The lady didn’t say much, so I got another one done at this tent
soul.reading.wide

soul.reading.close

But she didn’t know jack. Maybe I was just asking the wrong people.

Kids might know better anyways. So I asked these kids
turkishcoffee
Unfortunately, the boy was no help and the girl wouldn’t freak’n wake up. (maybe she was narcoleptic though).

So then I asked this baby by the prayer flags.
prayer.flags
Her parents wouldn’t let me talk to her

And this kid getting baptized by a Goddess couldn’t tell me anything either
baptism.baby
because her Mom wouldn’t let me interupt for just one second to ask a really important question. Jerk!

I was at the end of my rope. Totally defeated….And then I saw these people

three.amigos

They pointed me in the direction of the security guards

point

Me: Excuse me. Have you seen a little girl named Dora with a giant head.
golf.cart

Security guards: (total silence)

golf.dudes

I didn’t have time for games. I left and found more helpful security guards

security

They told me they saw a weird-looking doll with that Goddess just ahead

securityladywalkingaway

When she turned around, she had Dora!!!!!

goddess.dora

Me: Oh my God! Where have you been, Dora?!!!!!
Dora: These God-like people had me captive in a tent. Then this lady came to rescue me when they were about to leave with me
dora.family

Me (to Goddess lady): But how did you get her back from them?

godess.security

Goddess: I’m Goddess security. It’s my job to bust the Phony Gods and Goddesses. We’ve put up signs everywhere.

couplemenu

Me: Well thank you so much.
Goddess: Don’t thank me. Just learn how to be more responsible next time

As we were leaving, I noticed this sign

be.the.change

That Goddess was right. If I was gonna be a good Mom, I had to change my ways.

mom

So I started reading this book. And haven’t had Dora kidnapped since.

Best day of busting phony god/goddesses on Summer Tour 2009 ever!


(While the festival and the people in these pictures are real, the crimes are not, of course. The God and Goddess were actually super nice folks who showed me an amazing time. )

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