Slow: Aliens At Play

The other day, Dora and I were driving down this highway in Colorado looking for an Alligator Farm we’d heard about. I thought we might have made a wrong turn when we came across this sign

While I had no idea how we ended up on the Cosmic Highway, it seemed irrelevant in light of this crazy sign.

An alien getting bucked off the back of a highway was all it took convince me to follow the this road to the UFO Watchtower

And wouldn’t you know! We weren’t lost. The Alligator Farm was just up the way from the watchtower.

I was a little insulted that they wanted us to pay to see a stupid watchtower.

Then I realized our gator tickets would get us into both attractions

This dude pointed us towards the watchtower.

This alien ranch place sure did have stupid rules.

Ten miles an hour? There’s nothing to run over and there aren’t any cars. I decided to ignore the signs until I came across this dude.

He scolded me, then sent me on my way.

We still couldn’t find this alleged UFO Tower, so we stopped and asked for directions at this place

They told me to follow the rock.

I saw this sign and thought it was using “rock” as a verb

But I was wrong.

It was in fact, referring to the thing that owned this rock

We started losing visibility because of the approaching sandstorm, so we stopped and asked this dude where we could seek shelter from the storm

He was a little deformed and a lot stupid.

The only thing I understood of what he said was “camping.”

We drove around more until we came across this sign.

Ten bucks! Are you kdding me? That’s what I spend in three days on food.

I asked this guy if there were any alternatives to camping, but he said nothing and just pointed

Apparently, their idea of camping was to rent one of their R.V.’s No way were we gonna pay for something that luxurious.

The aliens in the house behind the R.V. gave us a few “houses” (in their lose definition of the word house) to chose from

We could pay $40 to rent out this double-wide house

$25 for this outhouse

$20 for this piece of crap dollhouse

or $15 for this barn/dollhouse

Since the double wide was too expensive, the doll houses too small, and the out house….an out house, we looked at our last option. This dome house was nice, but the backyard was a total junk yard

I mean, even Dora and I have higher standards than this

We finally gave up on this stupid place and its stupid watchtower, and just left. On our way out, however, we noticed clothes and shoes all over the place

Then I saw this sign.

I thought it was referring to children until I saw this couple

They were having some sort of romantic joy ride around this Alien ranch.

It was like a scene out of a New York movie, but in a dust storm, in the middle of Colorado, with aliens

and silver-spray-painted-rocking-horse drawn carriage

The couple rode off into the sunset without a care in the world

Just then this mean alien came over and told us to get off their property

And then a scarier alien with miss-matched eyes and covered in bird crap yelled at us again to get off their property.

Then this alien covered in bird crap told us to get back in.

But it was this alien who told us get out that really scared the crap out of us

Not only was he covered in poop and half albino, that giant eye really creeped us out.

So we left.

On our way out, this alien flashed the peace sign as if this place was an alien hippy commune or something

And this sign made me think for a second that this place actually was a nice place with rainbows and happiness.

Then I came to my sense and got the hell out of there.

It was the best day on a UFO ranch on Summer Tour 2009 EVER!!!!