Monthly Archives: August 2009

(……..Cont’d from yesterday)

As Dora and I walked around the graveyard, we noticed there were animal carcasses everywhere.

This poor seal was completely decapitated.

And these giant feet came off of something

although, what, I haven’t a clue

Just then, I heard Dora call my name

Dora: Look, I’m a rhinocerous.
Me: You look nothing like a rhinocerous. No offense.

Dora: Okay, then how about a bear?

Me: Sure. You’re a bear. There, does that make you happy?
Dora: Not when you say it like that.

Me: Yeah, whatevs. Hey do you remember that Hippo trash can we saw at that putt putt course?

Dora: Yeah

Me: And how you wouldn’t put your head in it?
Dora: Yes.
Me: Well, now’s the time to redeem yourself.

Dora: Okay. Now what?
Me: SHARK HEAD!!!!

Dora: Look, I’m being eaten by a shark!

Me: Um, that’s not very convincing, now is it? How bout you watch the master get pretend-eaten

Dora: Do I really have to get pretend eaten by every shark here?

Me: Um, ye-ah. What else would we do?
Dora: Well, I could go down this slide

Me: Haven’t you learned that you suck at stuff like this, Dora? Do you not remember falling off that ship?

Dora: Yes, but that’s not a fair example. You made me walk the plank.
Me: So, you’re still a klutz

Dora: Am not.

Me: Need I say more? Hey, let’s go get a beer. My treat.
Dora: But I’m just a kid. Can’t I get some milk or something

.Me: I guess. But I’m gett’n a beer.

On our way out of the graveyard, we came across some random things that weren’t actually dead yet.

Then we saw the mysterious warehouse. That’s when we realized this isn’t a graveyard….it’s a slaughterhouse!

Moments before, they’d cut this cow’s head off

We found it on the ground just outside.

And then we saw the most terryfying sight of all

Their most recent massacre

a man!

If you wanna see the story about Jonah’s Arc, click
http://melaniehamlett.com/2009/07/14/2171/

This was definately the best day of looking at carcasses on Summer Tour 2009, ever!

The other day, I came out of my bank

and found Dora hanging out next to this giant bull in the parking lot.

Not ten minutes later, we came across the same bull on the highway

only a dead version of him.

To the left of the dead bull

was an American flag cow.

After careful inspection, we soon realized that everything in the field behind the American flag cow

was dead. This was some sort of twisted graveyard where random things rest in peace.

Like half cows and horse heads

To the right of the dead bull,

was a dead Santa Clause

and behind him

a whole pile of rusted dead Santas

There were a lot of other dead people that weren’t Santa Clause

like guys wearing winter hats

over-enthusiastic people (and rusted winter-hat-people)

Dismembered pirates (along with their dead treasure chests)

And Robert E. Lee (??????)

Dora’s favorite was the dead half man (I’m not sure if she realized how kinky this picture would look when she posed next to his bootay).

I never knew there were graveyards for things like

ATV’s

Corn on the Cob

Ice cream

or shoe houses.

which reminded me of the other shoe house I saw this summer

Luckily, the shoe house I saw back in July was alive and kick’n and didn’t need a graveyard.
To see the shoe house from my first week on the journey, click below
http://melaniehamlett.com/2009/07/03/ice-cream-pers…ived-in-a-shoe

And stay tuned for Part 2 of the best day with dead things on summer 2009 EVER!!!!

In Utah, there were several motels that just didn’t seem right. What do you see wrong with these pictures?

Is this an Inn or a Motel or both?

Maybe it’s different in Utah, but I only know how to use that thing called WiFi. I have no idea what Wi and Fi is.

This Motel 6 has WiFi, hot tub, cable channels, and “pet rooms”

and it only costs 99cents per person!

It took me forever to figure out what on earth this motel was trying to say

until I realized they were out of the letter “R”

either that or I am really ignorant about what pooms and the intepnet are.

Best motels I’ve encountered on Summer Tour 2009 ever!

……SPAM Museum Cont’d

While I was under a narcoleptic spell, Dora learned everything under the sun about SPAM.

And enjoyed yet another song from the SPAMettes.

I finally woke up when I heard angelic voices

It was the SPAM Boys Choir.

Apparently, I had slept through almost the entire movie.

Luckily, I woke up just in the nick of time. I got to see how they package SPAM.

Thank God I did. When we left the theater, we were told we had to compete in the SPAM-OFF. Our first challenge was packaging.

While Dora and I packaged SPAM, the girls behind us boxed SPAM on the assembly line.

And boy were they good!

Me: Dora, you know, I’m doing all the work here. You’re just sitting there watching me.

Dora: I know, but I only have one arm.
Me: Yeah, you know, I’m tired of your excuses. When are you gonna start pulling your own weight in this relationship?

Dora: Well, I can tell you what you’re doing wrong that will cause us to lose.
Me: Wrong? What could I be doing wrong?

Dora: Well, you’re not dressed properly. If you had watched the movie or listened to the people tell you about garb, you’d know.

Older Man Getting Dressed: Yeah, she’s right, ya know….

… They have very special requirements for how you wear these clothes. Just listen to the workers over there.

Dora: See, I told you. Neither of us are wearing hair nets for example. We’re gonna lose points for that

Me: Hair Net-Shmair Net. I just wanna win.

Me: DONE!!!!!! See, I told you.

The next challenge we had was working at a SPAM grocery store.

While I actually did my job,

Dora wandered around the store….and met a little girl to play with.

Me: How do you know that girl?
Dora: I don’t. She knew me somehow. Lots of kids seem to know me.

Me: Well, if you’re so popular, why don’t you go find yourself another team to play on? Besides, I wanna win and you’re just slowing me down with your one arm.

It was a matter of seconds before Dora found a new family that wanted to adopt her. TRAITOR!!!

We were then sent into the lobby to wait for our final exam

I started to get a little worried when I noticed people cramming

Eventually they took us into this room. Dora and I had advanced to the Finals as a team…. but now were arch enemies.

This guy explained the rules and then started asking all these freak’n questions

Somehow, Dora always keeps her cool, even in the most stressful situations.

The exam was super hard. Even Dora only knew one answer. We were neck and neck

Announcer: Okay ladies. Are you ready for the final question?
Me: Dora, remember who has the keys to the car and can drive away without you

Announcer: Sing the theme song of the SPAMettes

Me: What!!!! No fair. I had a narcoleptic attack during the SPAMettes.
Dora, you better not get this right or I’ll kill you

Dora: Um, ok. You take the good, You take the bad, You take it all and there you have, the Facts of Spam. The Facts of Spam.

Announcer: No, sorry, kiddo. It’s SPAAAAAM!!!!! I’m gonna live forever. I’m gonna learn how to fly. SPAAAAAAAM!!


Announcer: Sorry ladies, but it’s a tie score.

I forgave Dora. I knew she blew it on purpose for my sake. When we were about to leave, we got stopped by this giant can of SPAM, who wanted to take his picture with us

Just as I was about to turn around and smack him for grabbing my butt, this man came over.

Owner: Well, hello. I just wanted to come over and congradulate Dora for winning the SPAM-OFF
Me: What? I thought we tied.

Owner: You tied in the finals, but you lost points during the packaging part of the competition for you poor hygiene.
Dora: See! I told you.
Me: This is such crap!!!!!

For winning, Dora received a SPAM sweatshirt

An appearance on live radio as the champion.

And the official SPAM flag.

I wasn’t too pissed cuz I I have the keys to the car she’d be keeping those prizes in. What’s hers in mine

Before leaving the SPAM Museum, we stopped to get some food, but that lady gave terrible service. She just stared at us holding that coffee pot for like an hour

So we went to the place across the street

and got to choose from hundreds of SPAM items from Johnny’s SPAMarama Menu.

It was the best SPAM day of Summer Tour 2009 ever!

To see the first part of the SPAM Museum story, click below
http://melaniehamlett.com/2009/08/14/the-incredible-spam-museum/

While driving through Colorado, I saw a lot of things that just didn’t make any sense. Maybe you can figure them out.

What on earth is a “Jewelry Pool” and why is it only on Friday nights?

And which of these two businesses is having a jewelry pool event?

the drug testing center

or the salon?

Do you think this is a salon for women or for balding men?

They have these ice stores all over Southern Colorado. Since Colorado is so so high in elevation, it’s not very hot.

Doesn’t it seem like a 24 hours/day ice service…..

and a hard-core security system might be a little overkill?

Using penguins (and Christmas decorations) to advertise for ice makes sense…..

but for Beauty Salons?

And what is a Style Exchange?

I came across this historic building that looked like a bank

but turned out to be a bank/t-shirt shop

And is this a liquor store or a bank?

Does this mean they are only open on Sundays?

If you have any answers for me, leave it as a comment. I love comments. It’s lonely out here in cyber space.

Best (and only) day in Colorado of Summer Tour 2009 ever!

I told Dora we’d go wherever she wanted. I couldn’t help but feel bad for what the Jolly Green Giant did to her two days earlier.

Surprise, Surprise. She wanted to go back to Wall Drug, South Dakota. The most obnoxious place in the world.

I met this nice lady there. It felt good to talk to another adult for once.

I told Dora she could go play by herself for awhile.

For some reason, people like Dora. She made friends with these dudes right away

Me and the lady in green didn’t have much to say to each other, but I wasn’t really in the mood to talk anyways

The guy behind me in the other room was apparently getting upset

Dude with Gun: Don’t make me shoot you here in front of this sweet little girl
Dora: It’s okay. I’ve never seen anyone get shot before. This is exciting!

Me to Myself: one little, two little, three little indians. four little, five little, six……

After watching someone get murdered, Dora wandered around until she met this man. He sang her a song.

Then they ended up singing a duet together

Me to Myself: Hat on head, nose that’s red, beard that’s white. Christmas night. Must be santa…..

After her song was over, Dora wandered around until she came across this hotel/jail/graveyard.

Dora: Oh my! This is one of those gun thingies

Dora: Excuse me. Can you tell me how to shoot this thing
Teenager with Gun: Just pull the trigger. Duuuuuh.

Me: Dora! What are you doing with that gun? You know better than that.
Dora: But you shot guns with those Amish people that one time

Me: That was a long time ago. Besides, how do you know that? You were in the car.
Dora: I saw it on your blog thingy. You always forget I know how to use the computer even though we’re facebook friends

Me: Whatever. Listen, I’m older than you, so I’m allowed to shoot guns. Besides, you really SUCK at this. I mean, look at where you’re aiming that thing. Are you trying to miss him entirely?

Dora: I know how to point a gun

Me: WHOOOOOAAAAA. Hold on little lady. Don’t point a gun in my face, okay?
Dora: Well don’t make fun of me, okay?

Dora: See, I can shoot. I’m gonna nail him right in his jewels
Me: You don’t even know what jewels are.
Dora: Of course I do. Remember the Jolly Green Giant two days ago?

Me: Whoooooooa. Okay, okay. Point made. Now put the gun down please.
Dora: Sorry.
Me: So where to?
Dora: T-Rex!

Dora: Look at those teeth. They could tear you to shreds.
Me: Dora, you’re acting so strange these days. What’s with the aggression?

Dora: I don’t know. I like things that kill other things.
Me: Well, you’re twisted. Let’s get the rock out of here!!!!

Best day of Dora being super aggressive on Summer Tour 2009 ever. To see the story about the Amish (on my second day of summer tour!!) click below
http://melaniehamlett.com/2009/07/02/quakers-guns-and-me/

To see the story of the Jolly Green Giant that made Dora into an aggro psycho nut-job, see the posting from two days ago.

I was driving behind these people today.

I’m not sure if this is a joke or actually one of Oregon’s Student Driver vehicles.

We both ended up in this small town in Central Oregon, called The Dalles, seems to be in the midst of a crappy car epidemic.

Is this sign referencing a song I don’t know?

I can’t believe they destroyed a perfectly good van (and potential home for someone like me) for this clunker add.

The “Clunkers Headquarters” is attached to this restaurant called Cousins

In case you were wondering…..

Cousins sells REAL food, unlike all those other restaurants in town

A competing restaurant was luring patrons with promises of good management

I’m dying to know just how bad the new owners were and what on earth Brandy does to be so good. If she’s one of the old owners, does the other old owner kinda suck?

My all time favorite tactic for attracting hungry tourists, however, is this

Keep’n it simple

Best day of funny little towns making my painfully boring drive more enjoyable on Summer Tour 2009 EVER