Daily Archives: August 24, 2009

…..cont’d from yesterday
WARNING: I strongly suggest not reading this post if you are my parents or offended easily

We were at the Presidential Wax Museum and I was giving Dora the scoop on all the former presidents (that self guided tour device was crap anyways).

I had just come to my favorite (and the hottest) president of all time.

Me: Unfortunately, Dora, the world is cruel sometimes. This poor guy was killed in a car crash in Texas I think.
Dora: I thought he was assassinated?
Me: Like I said, killed in a car crash.

Me: They had the funeral in this plane. That’s Jackie in the middle, his Mom on the right, and his extended family thanking her for the Bible she just gave them.

Me: For some reason, homegirl doesn’t know how to use feminine hygiene products. I can’t believe they would include that detail in this museum.

Me: I wonder if JFK ever regrets

marrying a transvestite. I can’t believe our country was so liberal back then.

Me: Oh, Dora, don’t bother with that dude. He was in the Peace Corp or something. That’s all I remember

Dora: Who is this guy?

Me: Oh, he’s that angry guy. He gets really mad at people, according to this museum, so stay away.

Dora: And what was Bush known for?
Me: Being the guy in charge when 911 happened

cheating

and being stupid.

Dora: How about President Clinton?

Me: Saxaphones….

and this.

Me: Hey Dora, there’s people coming soon. Now’s your only chance.

Me: Do it, Dora. It’s hilarious
Dora: But—

Dora ran to the bathroom all upset. She sure can be moody.

Me: Dora, what are you doing in there? We have one more exhibit to see.

Dora: Nothing. I just thought I was going to vomit for a second.

When Dora finally came out of the women’s bathroom (which actually had a urinal in it) we went to the grand finale of the presidential wax museum tour.

Bush Sr. is considered the MVP of all the Presidents.

We had to find our way through all these dolls to get out of the museum

Me: Hey Dora. Wanna go play Holy Terror Mini Golf like Obama suggests?

Dora: No, I’m hungry. My lunch is in that urinal.

We didn’t think we’d find a place to eat outside the Doll Gift Shop/Presidential Wax Museum

but we were wrong. They had pig roast

at the Executive Order Cafe.

Best Day of making my doll do inappropriate things to Clinton on Summer Tour 2009, ever!

OUTTAKES FROM THE WAX MUSEUM

This isn’t as easy as it looks

I was waaaaaay off center on this one

Dora and I went to the Presidential Wax Museum next to Mt. Rushmore. It was the first time I spent more than $3 to see a museum, but it was worth it to teach Dora about American History

We signed the guessbook, grabbed a self-guided tour device, and examined the hand with amputated fingers on the table

I put my device back since I know all there is to know about our presidents.

Dora was stoked to meet Obama

Me: This is our current prez, Dora. You know all the rest. HOLY CRAP! T.V.!!!! It’s been months!

Dora tried hanging out with some new friends while I watched a creepy movie

Dora: I’m tired of talking to these snobby girls. Can we please go see the presidents?

Me: Just let me see what they do to Frankenstein’s face first. Then we’ll go, I swear.

I finally pulled myself away from the movie and started showing Dora around

Me: So these are our Founding Father

and they were notorious for having delicate, lovely hands.

Me: And these are the kind of parties they had back in the day. No ruffies or beer….

…..Just good old fashioned cherry Kool-aid.

Me: Um, these are the Native Americans that gave them the land

Dora: But I thought we stole it from the Native Americans.
Me: Yeah, whatever. Let’s go see Teddy

Me: Teddy Roosevelt was famous for killing a lot of animals….and that’s about it I think

Me: This is that dude from Russia who had the big red thing painted on his forehead. I think it’s some Asian tradition….

…..He’s most famous for wood dolls though.

Me: This is Reagan. That dude who forgets stuff I think. That or he’s crazy.

…I mean, what is he looking at?

Me: Now this is Stalin, a normal looking dude, and a man with a cape on. They were all pretty good buddies.

Me: I don’t know any of these folks except for Elanor Roosevelt. She pretty much ran the country for her hubby, Frank

Dora: Hey! Who are these guys?
Me: Um… they are the ones who sent people to the moon after testing out those bubbles for space suits

Me: These are the losers who didn’t win the lottery to put their face on mountain.

Dora: Who’s that cute boy?

Me: Since when do you notice boys?
He’s probably a president’s kid.

Me: I think he’s that Johnny-Johnny kid.

Me: Well, whoever he is, his Dad is freak’n hot!

to be continued……………..