Daily Archives: August 18, 2009

SPAM Warfare

……SPAM Museum Cont’d

While I was under a narcoleptic spell, Dora learned everything under the sun about SPAM.
moviedora

And enjoyed yet another song from the SPAMettes.
spamettes

I finally woke up when I heard angelic voices

wakeup

It was the SPAM Boys Choir.
boyschoir

Apparently, I had slept through almost the entire movie.
packaging
Luckily, I woke up just in the nick of time. I got to see how they package SPAM.

Thank God I did. When we left the theater, we were told we had to compete in the SPAM-OFF. Our first challenge was packaging.

helmets1

While Dora and I packaged SPAM, the girls behind us boxed SPAM on the assembly line.
assembly
And boy were they good!

Me: Dora, you know, I’m doing all the work here. You’re just sitting there watching me.
helmets.background
Dora: I know, but I only have one arm.
Me: Yeah, you know, I’m tired of your excuses. When are you gonna start pulling your own weight in this relationship?

Dora: Well, I can tell you what you’re doing wrong that will cause us to lose.
Me: Wrong? What could I be doing wrong?
garb
Dora: Well, you’re not dressed properly. If you had watched the movie or listened to the people tell you about garb, you’d know.

Older Man Getting Dressed: Yeah, she’s right, ya know….
dressing
… They have very special requirements for how you wear these clothes. Just listen to the workers over there.
gloves

Dora: See, I told you. Neither of us are wearing hair nets for example. We’re gonna lose points for that
dorahelmet

Me: Hair Net-Shmair Net. I just wanna win.

helmets.smile
Me: DONE!!!!!! See, I told you.

The next challenge we had was working at a SPAM grocery store.
work

While I actually did my job,

groceries
Dora wandered around the store….and met a little girl to play with.

girl

Me: How do you know that girl?
Dora: I don’t. She knew me somehow. Lots of kids seem to know me.

Me: Well, if you’re so popular, why don’t you go find yourself another team to play on? Besides, I wanna win and you’re just slowing me down with your one arm.

cart
It was a matter of seconds before Dora found a new family that wanted to adopt her. TRAITOR!!!

We were then sent into the lobby to wait for our final exam
waiting

I started to get a little worried when I noticed people cramming
study

Eventually they took us into this room. Dora and I had advanced to the Finals as a team…. but now were arch enemies.

compete4

This guy explained the rules and then started asking all these freak’n questions

compete1

Somehow, Dora always keeps her cool, even in the most stressful situations.

spamexam2
The exam was super hard. Even Dora only knew one answer. We were neck and neck

Announcer: Okay ladies. Are you ready for the final question?
Me: Dora, remember who has the keys to the car and can drive away without you

compete2

Announcer: Sing the theme song of the SPAMettes

Me: What!!!! No fair. I had a narcoleptic attack during the SPAMettes.
Dora, you better not get this right or I’ll kill you

compete3

Dora: Um, ok. You take the good, You take the bad, You take it all and there you have, the Facts of Spam. The Facts of Spam.

doracompete

Announcer: No, sorry, kiddo. It’s SPAAAAAM!!!!! I’m gonna live forever. I’m gonna learn how to fly. SPAAAAAAAM!!

thewiinneris
Announcer: Sorry ladies, but it’s a tie score.

I forgave Dora. I knew she blew it on purpose for my sake. When we were about to leave, we got stopped by this giant can of SPAM, who wanted to take his picture with us
familyportrait
Just as I was about to turn around and smack him for grabbing my butt, this man came over.
kissdora
Owner: Well, hello. I just wanted to come over and congradulate Dora for winning the SPAM-OFF
Me: What? I thought we tied.
kissdora2
Owner: You tied in the finals, but you lost points during the packaging part of the competition for you poor hygiene.
Dora: See! I told you.
Me: This is such crap!!!!!
sweatshirt

For winning, Dora received a SPAM sweatshirt

radio

An appearance on live radio as the champion.
flag

And the official SPAM flag.

I wasn’t too pissed cuz I I have the keys to the car she’d be keeping those prizes in. What’s hers in mine
coffeeshop
Before leaving the SPAM Museum, we stopped to get some food, but that lady gave terrible service. She just stared at us holding that coffee pot for like an hour
restaurant
So we went to the place across the street
IMG_5816
and got to choose from hundreds of SPAM items from Johnny’s SPAMarama Menu.

It was the best SPAM day of Summer Tour 2009 ever!

To see the first part of the SPAM Museum story, click below
http://melaniehamlett.com/2009/08/14/the-incredible-spam-museum/