Melanie Hamlett – Wandering Narcoleptic

If you want to read this story in order, go back and read part one by clicking here:
http://melaniehamlett.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=2501

While Dora was in time-out in the car, I explored the inside of Mr. Ed’s Elephant Museum.

Not only were there bags of peanuts larger than picnic tables outside

The screened-in porch was full of peanuts and peanut-related things as well

and a globe

They even had a peanut mascot!

The next two rooms had thousands of elephant items

elephant toys, lamps, statues

pajamas

you name it, Mr. Ed had it.

Mr. Ed was not a horse as I had imagined, but a jolly old man.

He was in town selling lemonade snow cones that day and couldn’t be there. (no joke)

If you didn’t have time for his hour long video, you could read a quick personal letter from him to you

I think the year he had on that piece of tape was wrong though.

After being at the museum for over two hours already, I realized I really had to go to the restroom.

The only other option was the nasty porta-john out back

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Luckily, no one caught me….if Dora had been there, she would have taddled on me for sure. Thank God she was in time-out.

I signed me and Dora’s names in the Visitor’s book

then went shopping around the store for some fudge (Mr. Ed is a man of many talents and obsessions)

The little boy standing in chocolates creeped me out

and I wasn’t in the mood for a “cholesterol free, All American FUN Burger.”

So I went to the Pez room.

I thought about getting Dora a Star Trek pez since she’s obsessed with that show

Then I came to my senses and remembered she was bad and didn’t deserve jack.

I was a little let down that Mr. Ed would sell rebel flags and playing cards at his store

especially next to the Kazoos and wooden yo-yos

Then I saw the Abe Lincoln walking stick and felt better about him.

Just as I rounded the corner, I came to this exciting sign

I thought the whole museum was for kids until I saw this sign

The magic mirror was just a stupid fun house mirror.

I was really disappointed in Mr. Ed again

until I came to the room with pictures of Mr. Ed’s famous friends

Shanaya Twain

The ENTIRE cast of Archie Bunker

and Bozo the Clown

While looking at an old photo of Mr. Ed, I saw this sign

I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to talk to Santa in July

.

Me: Santa, can you make an evil Pinata child into a cool person to hang out with?
Santa: If you sit on my lap five more minutes, I’ll do anything you want sweetie.

That’s when I realized Santa was grabbing my ass with his mutant Hulk hand

and I got the hell out of there

In the car, Dora was needy as ever

Dora: Did you buy any fudge Miss Melanie?

Me: HA! You wish. I did buy some STAR WARS pez and it was DELICIOUS

Dora: Oh.

Best day with dora in TIme-out on Summer Tour 2009 EVER!!!!