4th of July at Wal*mart

Dora and I somehow ended up in Fort Wayne, Indiana on July 4th. It didn’t have much of a night life, so we went to the cultural center of rural America: WAL*MART Supercenter.

I pulled out every random patriotic toy I could find in my truck to help Dora enjoy her first 4th of July.


Me: Sorry this is so boring, Dorah. I know my country’s birthday isn’t as exciting as your country’s. When is Cinco de Mayo anyways?
Dora: May 5th.
Um, I’m American, Miss

Me: Well, yeah. I mean, South America. North America. It’s all technically America.

Anyways, what do you want to do for fun? How about a red cooler ride?

Boy did she love that!



Unfortunately, Dora sucked at riding coolers.


Dorah: Can we do it again?!!!

Me: No. That’s enough for now. Sorry about that. I should have gone slower.
Dora: That’s okay Miss. Can we do fireworks now?

Me: Ummmm. I guess so.

Luckily, Wal*mart had some sparklers on sale.

Me: Hey, look Dora. I’m a butterfly! You know, If we were on acid, we’d be able to see major tracers on these wings.



Dora: What are tracers? Like in coloring?
Me: Nevermind.

After fireworks, I went to go grab us some club sodas from Wal*mart. I should have know better than to leave Dora all by herself…

because when I got back, she had gotten into the fireworks.

Me: What have I told you about going through my truck? Don’t you understand English? Oh, I forgot. It’s not your native tongue.

Dora: Actually, English is my first language miss…. Um, can you put out this fire in my hair.

What fi—— Oh Crap!

Dora is okay and has decided to continue Summer Tour, despite having 2nd degree burns on 35% of her body.

I never thought I’d spend my 4th of July in a Wal*mart parking lot lighting fireworks with a paper mache doll…. or working on my stories in a Taco Bell til 2 in the morning either. I also never thought I would consider this to be enjoyable. BEST 4TH day Summer Tour 2009 ever!

2 responses to “4th of July at Wal*mart

  1. Pingback: Having a Kid is Tough « Melanie Hamlett – Wandering Narcoleptic

  2. I love the photos, i could’nt stop laughing. Glad you made it home safely. I was happy to see Dr. Oz help you with your problem, i just thought he would give you a topical, who knew. No Taos photos……i cant wait for the next installment.

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