In case you’re new to these stories, I starting going to game night with a bunch of middle-aged nice men I found after answering an ad on craigslist entitled “Come to My Game Party.” This is the final chapter of a six episode dramatic series of my life with the Game Master.
I handn’t seen the Game Master in awhile. I was mad at him because he murdered my sister last time I was there.
He was glad to see me. He was even happier to see there’d be another person to play games with him soon
Game Master: You look great! And you even smell pregnant
Me: Don’t touch me. I’m trying to stay mad at you.
Just as we were making our way over to the card table, something felt strange
and then my water broke
Game Master: Take a seat, dear. This baby is coming out and I’m gonna deliver it.
Me: Oh, God, Game Master. I’m so scared!
Game Master: Not to worry. I played a gynecologist on Law & Order once.
(Game Master is a professional background actor)
It was the most painful thing I’d ever felt. I screamed profanities at The Game Master.
He thought I needed some coaching and moral support.
Game Master: One, Two, Three, Four. I declare a pushing war. Puuuuuush! Puuuuush!! Gooooooooooo, Melanie!
Me: Shut. Up.
Game Master: One potato, two potato, three potato, four. One head here, now one more.
Me: First of all, don’t touch my face. Secondly, your songs don’t even make any sense. Will ya just shut your hole?
Game Master: I think you’re the one having a problem shutting your hole. Hee hee.
Just then, the baby came out.
And I couldn’t believe what I saw
A bear.
Wearing pajamas
Game Master: Well, hello bear! Hey… Bear rhymes with Cher. I love Cher! Do you believe in love after love?
Me: Give him to me
Game Master: Just a second. First I have to do medical procedures. When I auditioned for a doctor on ER, I had to deliver a baby and then smack it on the back. Just like this
Me: Oh, he’s beautiful. I think I’ll name him….
….BEAR.
After a few minutes of bonding, my maternal instinct told me Bear was hungry.
Boy was I right! He sucked me dry!
The Game Master acted like a proud father, even though Bear wasn’t his
I was gonna be a single Mom, thanks to the Deadbeat Husband of mine who ran off not long after our wedding
I guess that’s what I get for marrying a man I met at a Game Party I found on craigslist.
I started playing with Bear once he was done nursing. I was so excited to be a Mother again. This time I’d do it right. I thought of how much fun we’d have together. Me, Bear, and The Gamemaster
But I got a little too excited, and did what I always do when I get too excited.
I threw him
He slipped right through my hands when I went to catch him
and died
Not again!
The same thing had happened two years ago when I adopted a newborn from the Cabbage Patch Hospital
and he had died
And two years before that, I’d gotten excited after climbing a great route outside of Las Vegas.
He died too.
That’s when I made the decision to give up on Motherhood. And the Game Parties for awhile.
Bear will be missed.
I have to take some time away from the Game Master too. Just seeing him is too upsetting. Maybe I’ll go back in September after I have some time to mourn.
To see the story about the Game Master murdering my sister, click
http://melaniehamlett.com/2009/06/22/craigslist-gam…eets-my-sister/
To see the craigslist wedding, click
http://melaniehamlett.com/2009/06/03/craigslist-gam…-4-the-wedding/
