(Continued from yesterday’s post)
I went to Cassadaga, Florida to explore this town of psychics.
I couldn’t decide which road to go down. They both seemed equally amazing.
Almost every single house on this street had a “medium” living there
or they had spiritual things like buddah’s with mardi gras beads
Even their dormitories were spiritual
I eventually came into the town center. This lovely meditation garden offered me a chance to get grounded.
I tried to connect to my loving Goddess of the Universe
Me: What the fuck should I do now loving Goddess Spirit of the Universe?
Meditation Garden Lady Statue: Take you’re hat off for starters, you disrespectful little c—(bleep)
Meditation Garden Man Statue: Yeah. What she said.
Me: Screw you guys. Okay, what now Loving Goddess of the Universe?
Goddess: Go seek truth and a spiritual teacher. And don’t talk to me with a trucker’s hat on next time by the way
I tried to take a Course in Miracles at one of the many spiritual schools, but they weren’t open.
So I tried to go to Spiritualist Camp
But they were closed too.
I even tried to go on a Guided Walking Tour to find some spirits to talk to, but they didn’t do weeknight tours.
Then I came across a memorial to the Founding Father of this town. According to the sign, a prophesy was made when he was little that he would start this town. And he did! I ‘m not sure if that is psychic powers or the power of suggestion.
I tried to study at the school dedicated to him, but it was closed as well.
Me: What the fuck Goddess? What do you want from me? I’m trying to follow your suggestions and it’s just not working. What now?
Goddess: How bout getting a soft drink. You look parched.
Me: I was hoping you’d say that.
But of course, the cafe was closed.
I saw this and two things grabbed my attention
How come a psychic needs an alarm system? Shouldn’t a psychic be able to predict intruders?
Vending machine! Yes!
But the vending machine was out of order of course.
Oh, but wait. What’s that behind it?
BIG GULPS!!!!!! And 3 of them! There was something comforting about psychics not being too good for gallon size mugs of corn syrup.
Me: Goddess, you are so good to me!
But after 3 big gulps, I had to pee. Thank God the psychis predicted that tourists would need a public bathroom.
Me: Okay, Goddess. I’m gonna walk around this town one more time. Just give me a sign. I don’t know what I should do with myself here.
And that’s when I saw it
Me: BINGO!!! My favorite fucking game. This is why I am here, Goddess?
Goddess: You damn right it is. These psychics abuse their psychic powers when gambling, so I have made it so that they all suck at bingo. You need the money. Go get ’em girl.