My roommate was kind enough to let me borrow her computer today until I can get a new one. Many thanks to her for this story being uploaded!
A couple months ago, I answered an ad on craigslist to play games with a bunch of men I didn’t know. I have gone four times and it just keeps getting better. I’m always the only woman there. Despite the recent Craigslist murders, I’m still playing games and hoping I don’t get murdered. This is what happened this week:
After an intense game of Password, I went to get away from everyone for a minute. My surrogate Grandpa and had just gotten into another one of our fights. So I got to thinking…..
Me (to myself): What the fuck is wrong with me? I am a 31 yr old woman playing Cranium with people I met on craigslist on a Saturday night.
Just then, one of the new guys I’d just met came over.
New Guy: Melanie…that’s your name right???
New Guy: Okay. Phew. Um, well, You see, I was waiting for my turn in the game when I looked over and saw you. That’s when I realized I didn’t care when it was my turn to roll the dice. The only thing I wanna roll is you, baby. No one else has ever made me indifferent to Cranium. I know this may seem crazy cuz you barely know me, but I love you. Will you marry me?
ME: Oh my God! Really? ……YEAH…. HELL YEAH!!!!
ME (to myself): No more nights with the rabbit.
I have never been much of a crier. I couldn’t hold back though.
I asked my surrogate Grandpa if he’d give me away. The Game Master (my surrogate Dad) had run out for pizza.
When I walked in and saw my future husband and our priest, I almost passed out with nerves.
Grampa asked them to get a fan for me.
And I perked right up!
Me: Grampa, do you think Game Master will be upset he’s missing the wedding?
Grandpa: Dear, you let me worry about him. This is your special day. Not his.
Gradpa (to himself): That asshole better bring back no anchovies this time. Sonofabitch knows I hate anchovies.
We were both a bundle of nerves. I even forgot to give my flowers away.
I almost lost it when it came time to exchange rings.
I couldn’t believe he knew I loved imaginary platinum!
I had a hard time concentrating when it came time to say our vows.
The painting behind New Guy was just so interesting.
Preacher: By the powers invested in me, the state of New York, and the 255 Party Games To Play Book, I now declare you Husband and Wife! You may now kiss the bride!!!!
Preacher (to himself): Yeah. Get her. Shove that shit down her throat man.
Me: Grandpa! Don’t cry! Look, I’m finally married!!!!!
Granpa: Oh, sweetheart, they’re tears of joy. That’s all. Old men can cry too, ya know
Grandpa (to himself): That bag of dicks better be here soon with the pizza before I eat my fucking fist.
Just then, Game Master returned. And boy was he pissed!!!!
Game Master: How could you? Not only did you ruin my surrogate daughter’s life in the half hour I was gone, but you disrespected the sacred text of Game Night.
Game Master (to himself): I’ll never get to rock her to sleep with a story again. What has my baby done?
Game Master: You! It’s all your fault! You’re banned from Game Night….FOREVER, New Guy!!!!!!!!!
New Guy: Mother fuck’n shit! …..Wait, I’ll get an annulment.
Me: See! I told you he’d be upset, Grandpa! I hate you all! I’m going home to play with my fucking rabbit now. I hope you’re happy! I’ll be single forever now. You’ve ruined my life!
Grandpa: Calm down, Dear. Have some pizza. There’s no anchovies.
To see more craigslist adventures like this:
or to see any of the other craigslist game parties or other adventures, click on CRAIGSLIST ADVENTURES at the very top of the page.