Being a Pilgrim

When vacationing in Florida, most people go to the beach.   My sister and I went to a place called Dudley Farm This placed cost $4 to get in.  It better be good.

I watched the informative video about the wonders of Dudley Farm

But the movie was really boring me and I could sense a narcoleptic attack coming

So I went outside to get some fresh air and wake up

While sitt’n on the porch, I noticed some suspicious fellas coming

So I followed them

As it turns out, the Pilgram lady was giving them a lesson on shucking corn

I wanted to shuck corn. So I got in line

It wasn’t fair though. The little 3 yr old got to go first cuz he was 3.

And he sucked at it

But of course, his parents and Grandma cheered him on as if he was the was the best shucker ever.

Me: Way to go little man. That was great.
Me (to myself): Too bad you suck at it, you little twirp

Even his high fives sucked.

Me (to myself): What are we waiting for? Let’s go. Stop giving him attention. He’s getting cocky. COME ON YOU STUPID OLD HAG!

Me: Okay, Sis. Get ready. It’s almost my turn.
Sister: Yep.

Me: Oh, my God! This so much fun. I’m so good at this.
Pilgrim Lady: Yeah, well not as good as that little one of course.
Pilgrim Lady (to herself): I can’t believe you’re waisting my time you pathetic girl. This shit is for kids, not women who should have popped out a couple of her own by now.

Me: Yeah, I think we both know I’m the best at it. I’m doing a good job. Right?
Pilgrim Lady: Sure. You’re doing a great job.

Pilgrim Lady (to herself): There’s other things a woman your age should be good at. Like changing diapers and giving head. You’re gonna die alone you poor girl. I’ll say a prayer for you tonight.

Twelve Year Old Girl: That girl really sucks at shucking corn. A two year old could do better.

3 Yrd Old: This bitch better back off. She’s cramping my style.