Monthly Archives: April 2009

the side door to this business opens into his crotch. I wonder if the people who work here forget this when going in and out

Creepy car in Florida. Looks like death if death had a car.

….more so than I thought.

It wouldn’t quite match my truck, but I really want a chain link steering wheel.

A kinda macho looking tough guy with a little bitty lap dog and a hot pink carrying case. I love men that defy stereotypes.

NYC is full of people who act out like teenagers. If they aren’t drawing a penis in the mouth on an advertisement (see a whole series of these at http://www.melaniehamlett.tumblr.com), then they’re acting out in silly ways. I personally find upside down signs more hilarious than annoying

I must have had something bad for lunch that day

Sean must have had the same thing!

I am uploading all the photos from my old blog and it’s taking forever! If you want to see the NASCAR photos, click http://melaniehamlett.com/2009/04/11/nascar-gas-station/

This hot dog shop in NYC is capitalizing on the bad state of the economy. Smart dudes!

I was walking to the subway near my house…

I think that’s a dead chicken. In Queens.

A tragic ending to everyone’s favorite stupid joke about chickens crossing the road

This home depot in California is also trying to turn a profit on oil

Are they being funny or stupid using the most akward word in the English vocabulary to sell real estate. I’m guessing funny!

Everybody needs some sort of mascot.

I never got to see this mysterious man’s face until I saw it in thru rear-view mirror of this picture.

I’ve seen Cadillacs in the desert that are planted in the ground, but never mobile homes. Genious!

I can’t believe they consider themselves a “superstore.” They’re tiny!

This Dinosaur World is a CHAIN! This one is in Central Florida

They have the exact same sign and model of T-Rex in Kentucky!

I love, love, love lawn ornaments! They always make me laugh.
This is in Pennsylvania.

This Queens home had some lawn ornament deer too

Just another day on the road…..

But what’s that?

One Fourth of a dear!

Whenever I see fake deer, I think of my friend. This website will only let me make this a tiny picture for some reason

This stuffed, caged moose is still on the side of the road in the California desert.

This cheap ass funeral supply store is in the lovely town of Denver, Colorado.

My gym has some of the strangest decorations ever and for every single occassion. This is one of my favorite wierd ass things at my gym, and luckily, it’s there year round (not just during Oscar season)

It’s an oscar trophy with bubbles, but Oscar is the World’s Strongest Man

Today, at the gym, I noticed all new Mother’s Day decorations. They didn’t go all out with inflatable stuff, but they did paint all over the door, which is their usual bare minimum.

All this Mother’s Day stuff reminded me of Christmas time at the gym
This Santa is turned on all day and EVERY SINGLE TIME you walk by him, he sings “Dashing through the snow…” or “Jingle Bell Rock.”

It is so annoying but makes me laugh every single time.

It also scares the crap out of me with its sudden movements.
Not to mention a strange voice coming from an inanimate object.

During Thanksgiving, they have a giant air turkey. During Christmas, this giant Santa.

It’s just soooo giant!

The gym is owned by a Latin couple. The decorations are a mixture of fun Christmasy stuff and super religious stuff

In the aerobics room, there is a Jesus in a manger YEAR ROUND in a glass case. The room also has a disco ball and strobe light. If it wasn’t locked all the dang time, I’d have a picture of it!

The Empire States Building only comes out at Christmas I believe.

Sometimes I feel like a loser reading a book when I should be exercising.

Then I saw the old Greek lady next to me

an entire bag full of reading material

one of which was entitled “The Glory of Heaven”
I love my gym.
To see more fun gym photos, click on the old tumblr account at the bottom of this page and go back about two weeks.

My friend Liz and I went to an electronic store in California looking for an external hard drive. But upon entering the store, we encountered an ALIEN!!!!!

This lady was cleaning the alien’s eyeball. I was terrified, but she seemed to be co-existing with it.

We escaped the alien, but then got attacked by this army truck.

Liz played nice and distracted him while I snuck up behind him.

I tried to defend us with my pretend hand rifle

I’m not sure why the army vehicle is split in half!

But Liz was the hero of the day. She stole that truck thingy right from under his nose!

After getting away, Liz and I caught a sweet ride through the store. Here we’re doing our Kennedy/Jackie O impression.

But I got out of the car for a minute and…..

Some reckless driver in the store hit me with the same car that took out Marty from Back To The Future

No one at the cafe inside the electronic store seemed to notice I had just been run over by a car!

I woke up from my concussion and went looking for that external hard drive when…

…we came across this Space Hero Monster thingy. He stepped on me. I guess he prefers blondes.

Then he saw Liz

He didn’t seem to mind Liz. He let her ride on his leg all over the store. Perhaps she reminded him of his daughter.

Since I was now dead, Liz had to fend for herself.

Luckily, she round a fire to keep her warm.

While wandering around the store looking for a way out, she ran into Darth Vader!

She soon forgot about me. They fell in love and got married. The End.

All over Florida, there were women dressed in cheap Statue of Liberty costumes.  I just barely caught three of them while driving by.

You can’t see it too well, but the store she’s near is called “WOOD YOU”

Many of these Statue of Liberties in Florida tend to be old ladiesThis poor girl had to stand on a dangerous, major highway

I went to a fudge store in St. Augustine.

“His” chocolates.

Playing Doctor with chocolate. Something about eating a chocolate ear poker thingy or tongue compressor doesn’t seem apatizing.

and “HERS” chooclate. Yes, that’s a blow dryer in the corner.

This is the picture I sent to a PERVE on Craigslist

Last Monday I answered a craigslist post wanting someone to help him move from NYC to Vermont at $20/hr.  I assumed only wholesome people live in or move to Vermont.  I responded to the add saying this via email:

“I’d love to help you move.  I move things for a living – I work as a set dresser on films, so I move furniture and heavy boxes all the time. I was also an Outward Bound Insturctor before that, so I’m used to carrying 75 lb backpacks for days on end.  I lived on the road for years doing seasonal work, so roadtrips are always fun for me and I get along with just about anyone.  Give me a call if you still need someone.  I may be a woman, but I’m just as strong as most men….or stronger than some.  I’ve attached a photo so you can see I’m not a sketchy person.”

Today, one week later, this was our dialoguie via email:

HIM (he wrote in all caps) at 2:48 pm:

YES I WAS ALREADY MOVED BUT I WILL PASS ON YOUR INFO TO THE GUY WHO MOVED ME. [why would he do that?] DO YOU DO OTHER WORK SUCH AS MASSAGES? HAVE YOU ANOTHER PIC?

HIM at 3:37pm:

i pay well for a massage

ME at 6:47pm:

sorry, but I’m not interested in doing massage.

HIM at 7:15 pm:

ok then i will massage you

HIM at 7:30 pm:

can you send a pic where your not making a face? [my Mom says that same thing to me all the time!!!!]

HIM at 7:45 pm:

when you masterbate do you get thast white girl cream?

Interesting fact about me:  I attract sexual predators wherever I go. I don’t know why.  For instance,  I had a 70 yr old hitchiker, who claimed to own a gold mine and offered to buy me a new truck,  staulk me from Wyoming to New Mexico, where he found the location in which I was living in my truck.  He then asked me to marry him.  So, I think I have a magnet for creepy older men.

But, it’s not like I was answering from the sex column. I was just trying to get a good paying job that sounded fun.  How is it that I found the only sexual predator in the manual labor section of craigslist? Don’t smart predators fish for naive women with adds looking for a  “personal assistant who is good at an occasional neck massage”? (I actually answered one just like that when I moved to New York but he ended up wanting more than massages.)

While the many encounters I have with creepy men make for good stories, they’re not easy to tell cuz I know I look like an idiot.

My question now: Is he starting an online predator relationship with me from  Vermont?

Thank God my game party friends from craigslist aren’t creepy.

A few weeks ago, I answered an add on craigslist that said “come to my game party”

The “gamemaster” as he calls himself (and he has a business card with this written on it) is a professional background actor for 20 yrs, reoccurring on Law and Order. He has been organizing game parties with random people he meets on craigslist for over 4 years now.

I am one of the only women who has ever answered his add….

and last time I came, he murdered me. (go back about 2 weeks on this blog).

So I went back again to see what would happen.

This was my first time meeting most of these guys.

They weren’t in the best mood on our way up to the game party.

but after a long elevator ride with me and my pep talks, they changed their minds

The first game we played involved picking a movie title out of a book. They always take all the games very seriously. To avoid anyone seeing what they’re choosing out of the movie book, they sat for 10 mintues with a flashlight and a towel over their head while they decide.

I honestly can’t remember what on earth they were playing here

The gamemaster likes to take pictures as much as I do. He suggested before anyone else leave, we do another photo shoot like last week

For some reason, I suggested they lift me and carry me on their shoulders like cleopatra. They lifted me up like this instead.

They’re not the most brute men, so picking me up was more of a challenge than I had envisioned.

SUCCESS!!!

I’m not sure who is covering my ear or why.

I have a narcoleptic spell while doing this exercise.

No, I’m actually kidding this time…although it’s totally possilbe I could have.

Then I asked them if they’d be interested in chicken fighting.

I soon came to the conclusion that my chicken wasn’t capable of being aggressive.

boy wBoy was I wrong!

My chicken even threw a pretend punch!

The Game Master sent me some pics afte the party.

This closeup of me biting the other chicken was one of them.

This old-timey photo was another one

After the chicken fight, I stepped aside to make an important phone call

But the Game Master doesn’t like it when we take personal phone calls during Cranium

Notice the Guys and Dolls playbill on the floor. I have never been to a Broadway show, so I often sit silently throught their lengthly discussion of Broadway musicals during games.

He does that same victory dance every time he kills me

I fell from 16 stories high

Yep, they killed me again. I should have learned from that news reporter who got hog-tied and stabbed 50 times answering  an add on criagslist.

What can I say, I was raised in the South.  I trust everyone.